Wednesday, July 28, 2010

Summer at Home

I've been sort of following a back-and-forth conversation over at the HoBD list for the past week or so. It's the one that emerges every so often about "Hate the sin, love the sinner," where that sentiment originated (not in the Bible), and the incalcitrance of those who cling to their positive conviction that they are right, everyone else is wrong, and God has personally called them to the task of proactively telling LGBT folks that they are Sinners with a capital "S."

From my point of view, the entire exchange falls into the category of "If you try to teach a pig to sing, you'll just frustrate the pig and get yourself stuck in the muck along with the pig." I am deeply grateful for my sisters and brothers who continue to argue the logic and love of rational thought and Jesus' Gospel, but I'm so over those conversations with people who have made up their minds while sanctimoniously hiding behind proof texting the Bible erroneously.

Meanwhile, I'm still reading my young motorcyclist friend's blog about his cross-country journey, which is about two-thirds completed. He's turned around and is headed back to the West Coast. The thing that strikes me over and over is how much gratitude he expresses for simple things like a good breakfast, a chance to dry off after being caught in a rain storm or to cool off after 100-degree days on the bike and the sharing of good stories and experiences at a 12-step meeting in a new place. His gratitude is simple and direct, unembellished and sincere - just "Thanks for the food. Thanks for the meeting. Thanks for the hospitality." I like that a lot. I like the simplicity.

I'm mostly at home in Colorado this July and August, that is, after the hoopla of the girls' Las Vegas wedding celebration the first week of July, this past weekend's trip to Memphis for an Executive Council task group meeting and next weekend's overnight trip to Chicago for an ELCA meeting. It takes me a while to get back into the flow of being at home.

As I have gotten older, it has taken a longer and longer time for me to change mentalities - from being "on the go" to being "at home" - and to get back into the "normal" flow of reading the mail, paying the bills and doing the chores. I am somewhat overwhelmed by the myriad things to deal with around the house, like the stovetop that is breaking down, one feature at a time, and the endless little leaks and issues with all the plumbing in the house and sprinkler system.

I suspect that feelings like anxiety, disappointment and resentment have a lot to do with the slowing down that comes with aging and too much experience. Multiple recent stories of friends and their loved ones' battles with recurring cancer and other ailments add to my sense of the fragility of life and my desire to be present to my friends. Those feelings just seem to be the unbidden accompaniment to many of life's experiences, no matter how hard we try to remain centered in a life ethos that is focused on love and the Golden Rule.

I'm in a period of discernment about whether or not to continue some of the activities of the past three years, because a couple of elections are at hand - standing for reelection to Colorado's Standing Committee and for General Convention deputy. Mostly, I think that I will probably stand for reelection, simply because the work that I embarked on three years ago is not yet done. But I also ponder my motivation to do so. I worry that I am being attracted by ego needs such as the need to feel important. I worry that whatever power is associated with such roles is an elixir that entices my ego. I worry that I am buying into my own PR, believing that "I" have anything to do with what work has been accomplished.

These are the things that occupy my summertime in Colorado this year.

1 comment:

Deborah Sampson said...

Please do continue with Standing Committee and Convention Deputy. Your work in those areas is valuable!