what a cup of tea

The Worst Feeling of All

2012-01-12T02:49:00.001-07:00

I have often wondered why intelligent people with goodlives, good families, good livelihoods, and so much to lose, do things thatcatapult their lives into tailspins from which they never recover and whichdevastate their reputations, their relationships, and their futures.

Today I read one more example of that. Dipak Das, aUniversity of Connecticut researcher known for his work on resveratrol, theingredient in red wine that is credited with cardiovascular benefits, has beenaccused of falsifying his data in over a hundred instances. [Read news storyhere: http://tiny.cc/kopw7.] Das is the tenureddirector of the University Health Center’s Cardiovascular Research Center,which receives millions in federal grants. Why would someone so distinguishedand obviously successful do something so wrong, making up data and reporting itin his research reports?

A number of years ago, I knew a couple of women, with whom Iwas active on non-profit boards, who did themselves in, in similar fashion. Theuntruths started out small, told within a circle of friends, but the crasheswere very public and dramatic.

The first woman was the mother of a teenager and an 8-yearold. She owned a condominium management business that bore her name. If therest of us contemporaneous female professionals, who shared similar dedicationto our careers and high-profile volunteer leadership roles, wore designer silk dresses,had our hair and nails done at the finest salons, and made generous donationsto the most chic charities in town, this condo manager always outdid andoutshone us in every instance.

I knew something about the condominium management business,because I had served as the president of a high-rise condominium associationand had condo associations as banking customers. It always mystified me how thisbusinesswoman could afford to spend prodigious amounts of money, when I couldn’tspend at that level, and I had a good paying corporate job that paid more thanshe could possibly be netting in her condo management business.

It was revealed, a few years down the road, that her abilityto outdo and outshine us was fueled by embezzled funds from the condoassociations which she managed. She turned out to be a criminal, and her feloniousactions earned her ten years behind bars. I always wondered how any mothercould intentionally do the crime, knowing she would do the time away from her8-year old, and that those years would be lost forever.

The second woman was a single woman, who worked for a largecorporation in a techie position and carried a pager as a badge ofself-importance. She was an unabashed self-promoter, who boasted about hermanagement prowess, and none of her friends wanted to doubt her word. Once Ireceived a written article submitted by this techie friend for the newsletterof a woman’s organization, and I was really confused with the disconnect I wasexperiencing at how articulate this article was, compared to other lessaccomplished committee reports she had written. Later, after the you-know-whathit the fan, I would realize that she had plagiarized someone else’s work.

A few years passed, and during those few intervening years,there were some other incidents that involved mutual professional friends thatraised questions about our techie’s true abilities and claims of high statusjobs. One day, this techie woman, who was quite popular, was appointed to animportant public position as the manager of a sizable staff. Someone who hadbeen offended by one of those other incidents took the initiative to do some investigativedigging, and the dirt came out. It turned out that Ms. Techie Boaster did nothave the college degree nor the management experience and positions that she claimed.

Ms. Boaster did a song and dance for the newspapers for afew days, before she finally resigned, having done irreparable damage toherself and significant damage to the reputation of the administration thatappointed her. They hadn’t done their homework to vet her, relying solely onfriendship to offer her the position. She split town and faded away. My friendsand I pondered why this woman had such an overwhelming need to inflate herselfand her importance and to do it in public. What kind of self-delusion orarrogance causes someone to believe her own lies so completely that she thinksno one will discover the truth?

I realize that there are all sorts of psychological reasonswhy people lie and lie publicly. I suspect that those reasons can all bebundled into one overarching reason, which is that they lie and lie egregiouslyto fill a hole in their lives. That hole is the soul-deep feeling that they areunlovable. The feeling of being unlovable is so invasive in a personality thatit overcomes all judgment and common sense, and it also overcomes the abilityto recognize when one is, in fact, loved. Feeling unlovable serves to discounteverything else and is the worst feeling of all.

Racial Slurs on Receipt Not New News

2012-01-09T03:26:00.000-07:00

Sadly, racial slurs on receipts is not new news. It's happened before and made the news, and regrettably, it's probably going to happen again and make the news. One would think that by now, corporations doing business with retail customers in the 21st century would get it and do a better job of avoiding racial slurs in their stores.

Papa John's Receipt

Here is a follow-up to the Papa John's "Lady Chinky Eyes" receipt story. Read the gothamist.com story here. Papa John's corporate office has issued a formal apology and is still trying to reach the customer, Minhee Cho, to present a personal apology directly to her. The franchise owner of five Papa John locations in New York has fired the 16-year old cashier who issued the receipt with the "Lady Chinky Eyes" description in the place where a customer's first name normally would be typed. And the franchisee's operating partner and a manager named Jerome and an assistant manager at the location where this happened still don't get it.

I admit that I have mixed feelings about the punishment fitting the crime, and I'm not sure that being fired for using a racial slur on a receipt rises to the level of a firing offense, with a big caveat which I'll get to later in this commentary. In other words, I'm not out for blood on racial justice issues. I want to raise awareness and change behavior.

Ronald Johnson, the operating partner, expressed his reluctance at firing the cashier thus: "I bet I'll talk to her and she won't know why this is offensive. She needs to know, and she will know. If I fire her, two years from now, she won't even remember why she got fired. If I sit her down and talk to her, I can help her. You still need a certain decorum and level of professionalism [at minimum wage jobs], and that may help her more in the long run." Johnson's comments do reflect an admirable desire to treat minimum wage earners and teenage employees like workers worthy of an investment in their personal growth. Sitting the employee down and talking to her should happen even in the case of a termination of employment; the employee should be given the full reason for the firing.

If this weren't a minimum wage retail job in food service, and if there weren't pressure from a corporate franchise entity with the high profile of a Papa John's and a major outcry in the media [I counted 32 pages on Google of this Papa John's racial slur receipt story just now], perhaps a firing wouldn't have taken place so quickly without other intervening steps. For example, in a bank, car rental agency, or other large company with branch locations that aren't franchises, a written warning and some type of mandatory employee education would probably have taken place, putting the employee on notice that this type of racial slur is unacceptable.

From that point of view, I agree with Jerome, the manager at the location, who said, "I truly don’t think it’s fair. It’s been taking up all our time. It’s been very disruptive.” that, indeed, it isn't fair. But, it also isn't fair that an Asian customer should be subjected to this type of racial slur when all she wanted was to buy some pizza. It may have been disruptive to the store's employees, but it was also disruptive and upsetting to Minhee Cho, the customer, enough so that she tweeted about it and got the viral ball rolling. And now, Cho says, “I probably would not go there again, because they would probably spit in my food,” and sadly, that is a reasonable concern to have, because as I said, the people at the franchise don't get it, and there is precedent in prior similar receipt stories of retaliation against the customer who complained.

A quick Internet search indicates that these types of incidents are not new news.

Journeys receipt

In October, 2008, an incident occurred at a Journeys shoe store in a Kansas City mall [click here to see video news report], where an African American man returned a pair of shoes and received a receipt that had "dumb N-word" typed where the customer's name would go. When the TV reporter showed the receipt to people outside the mall, one White man asked, "Has he [the store employee] been fired yet?" A racial slur, in writing, on a receipt for something a customer has paid for, a customer who has chosen to do business with the retailer, is insulting and outrageous, and the gut reaction of the people outside the mall reflected that sense of insult and outrage.

Domino's Pizza receipt

In October, 2010, near Raleigh, North Carolina, a Domino's Pizza customer says she received a receipt that said "N-words don't tip." The store fired the employee, apologized for it and said it was the act of an individual employee. Afterwards, the African American woman customer said that she received harrassing phone calls calling her the N-word and chiding her for getting the employee fired. [Click here to see video news report.]

And as recently as December, 2011, in Irvine, California, two Chick-Fil-A customers received receipts that labeled them "Ching" and "Chong" where their names would have been typed. [Click here to read a news report.]

Chick-Fil-A receipt

Those customers spoke to a manager at the restaurant immediately, who gave appropriate responses, apologizing on the spot. The offending employee was subsequently fired. Chick-Fil-A's corporate office issued an official apology, which showed an awareness of what the issue really is all about: "Please understand and accept our confirmation that the inappropriate, and unthinking behavior of a young team member at one of our restaurants does not support any claim or even suggestion of racism at our restaurant. The individual clearly violated our operating standards; the matter was addressed and discussed immediately with the guests on the spot; and a confirmation was provided that the employee was immediately dismissed for the individual behavior."

The point that Chick-Fil-A makes is important -- that there is and should be corporate operating standards that prohibit racist behavior and making or using racial slurs when working with customers and fellow employees. The disruption that the Papa John's manager talked about is costly to businesses, and it is avoidable with an upfront investment in training. Anti-Racism Training is an important component of both customer service and raising anti-racism awareness in organizations, and I'm deeply committed to providing such education in my professional practice. So, a shout-out to corporations looking for anti-racism training: write me at LelandaLee@gmail.com, and let's talk!

The caveat that I want to make about whether or not to fire an employee who makes racial slurs to customers is this. While being terminated from a job is harsh punishment, especially in today's tough economic and high unemployment environment, the fact is that racial justice progress is made when societal awareness is raised. High profile incidents require appropriate responses, because the responses will also receive a high profile.

Retail establishments that depend on customers to survive and thrive ought to be held accountable for being places where racism is absent. Such businesses should be responsible for the hiring, training and management of employees who exhibit non-racist behavior. Employees, including teenage employees, should have a sense of responsibility about the nature of the employment relationship when they accept a job.

Performing a job is serious business, and when employees don't exhibit a serious respect for their jobs, their employers' businesses, their fellow employees and their customers, then they should be held accountable. So, my conclusion is that the firings for the inappropriate use of racial slurs on receipts and the disrespect shown to their customers and employers are justified.

Pews are Just a Symptom

2012-01-06T17:59:00.002-07:00

Lutheran Pastor NadiaBolz-Weber of the House for All Sinnersand Saints in Denver writes in her blog post entitled “TheProblem with Pews” about worshiping in the round. She says:

“This population [her congregation] of urban, postmodern young-ishpeople have a deep critique of consumer culture and as such are far moreinterested in being producers than consumers. This goes for church aswell. And being able to worship in the round creates an accountability ofpresence to each other and a shared experience which allows for the community tocreate the thing they are experiencing rather than consuming what others haveproduced for them.”

I think Bolz-Weber is onto something – that people are searching for somethingto belong to, to participate in, and to help create. Bolz-Weber has many ideasabout creating a worshiping community organically from mostly non-churchians thatare worth examining, and she writes about them in her blog entitled Sarcastic Lutheran.Christian communities can never be about adopting wholesale some other church'sidea of how to be and do church, but must always be about creating somethingauthentic where the Spirit speaks to their people and they hear Her.

In a recent reflection entitled “Sevenquestions every church should ask,” the Rev. Dr. Gary Nicolosi of theAnglican Church in Canada writes:

“In fact, I have come to the conclusion that there are no “one size fitsall” answers, but that each church will need to develop its own style ofministry in connecting with its own unique environment. This is a “bottom up”rather than a “top down” process that needs to be discerned at the local levelrather than imposed by any hierarchy.”

From my perspective, within a denomination (aka ahierarchically organized church), there must be not just accommodation, buttrue embracing of a dispersed version of church that is authentic to each localcontext. Bottom up, not top down – much more challenging to manage than aturn-key operation where everything is by the book. In other words, no morecookie cutters, which makes raising up leadership with a different sensibility,one that is not married to vesting authority only in themselves, a primeconsideration. This means that the way in which we educate clergy and howseminaries are oriented must also change. You won’t get a new and differentchurch that meets the future by continuing to prepare clergy using old models.

This kind of change will take time and probably beevolutionary, which is going to be too slow for our needs. Times of greatchange require quicker, bolder responses. Notice that I didn’t say don’t botherwith having the discussions with stakeholders and don’t bother having a plan;you still need conversation, and you still need plans. You just need themquicker, and you will most likely have to tolerate conversations and plans thatare works-in-progress and good enough rather than finished and perfect.Tolerance for ambiguity is a key attribute that contemporary leaders who willlead into the future will be required to possess.

It would be wonderful if we were able to break out of ourself-images and take some risks, recognizing that some choices will work outand others won’t. We also need to lift up and embrace those few revolutionaryleaders who come knocking at our doors, rather than sending them elsewhere,because we need to be challenged to become new versions of ourselves. And itjust may be the case that some of our beloved leaders and clergy won’t be theright ones to take us into the future. Foreverything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven.

The challenge is how to support such ministry withsufficient dollars to pay a clergy person and overhead when congregations suchas Bolz-Weber's often do not generate sufficient plate and pledge revenue tosupport themselves in even very nominal settings. Ethnic ministriesfocused on serving recent immigrants also fall into this category ofcongregations that are unlikely to be self-supporting based on plate andpledge. We should not forget that ministry to local communities of recentimmigrants is also mission work, just as our focus on churches in Africa orHaiti is mission work.

Lack of a "church" home of their own has notprevented Bolz-Weber's congregation from doing some unique ministry, such asdelivering gifts of sack lunchesto people who have to work on Thanksgiving all around Denver, made from realroasted turkeys and home-baked goodies. [Bolz-Weber's congregation currently sharesspace at St. Thomas Episcopal Church while searching for a new space of theirown.] Lack of financial resources likewise does not prevent ethniccongregations from providing culturally sensitive ministry to theircommunities. It just looks different, and all the members of the congregationhave to work hard and work together to support and serve the community. Foodand community meals play a large part in every ethnic church that I know of.

Maybe it's time to question the plate and pledge model offunding as well as the concept of a church home. After all, plate and pledgeare not biblical, although the tithing and giving from first fruits inthanksgiving to the Lord are. And maybe as a source of initial seed money fornew ministry to the unchurched, we need to look at releasing some of thetreasure that we have locked up in church buildings to do the Lord’s work.

I just watched the 25thAnniversary Concert of Les Misérablesand was struck again by the bishop’s gift of the candlesticks to Jean Valjean,saying “I have bought your soul for God.”I know it’s just a story, but in the story, Jean Valjean’s story was changed bythe conversion of the church’s silver. Maybe it’s time to repurpose our belovedchurch buildings to do more than just serve worshipers once or twice a week andto repurpose our giving to the church to do more than just support thespirituality of those already within our communities.

Nicolosi closed his reflection with:

“Churches that can rethink their assumptions of ministry, reformulatetheir mission strategy and re-examine their way of doing church are more likelyto revive and renew than the ones that do not. These “missional” churches willlead us into the future–confident and resilient, open and affirming,life-giving and liberating, with a compelling gospel message that centers onJesus combined with flexible methods of ministry.”

Singapore Observations

2012-01-05T02:55:00.001-07:00

The Singapore Flyer (like the London Eye), at 165 meters,
is the world's largest observation wheel.

Singapore - Asia's business and shipping nexus

My husband and I visited Singapore in September, 2011. Thiswas our first, and probably our last, visit to Singapore. We had always wantedto visit Singapore, because it is the stuff that dreams and great architectureare made of. Here are some observations about Singapore, not in any particularorder.

That's the Hop-On, Hop-Off bus
we took to get a sense of Singapore

It is really hot and humid in Singapore compared to our homein the Mile High Rocky Mountains. Even in relatively “good” Singaporeanweather, we sweated our brains out everywhere we walked. Of course, it doesn’thelp that I’m overweight and out-of-shape by Singaporean or any standards.In a week, I only viewed two or three overweightSingaporeans in this island city-state.

Food Republic at Suntec Convention & Exhibition Centre

Choosing ingredients for the chef to make your soup dish

Chef preparing dish from ingredients chosen by the diner

Prepared dishes at a food stall

Food Opera at the Ion Mall where
there are chandeliers and sculptures

The “hawker” courts (aka food courts) are bits of heaven onearth, especially the upscale ones like Food Republic and Food Opera. Foraround five Singapore dollars (less than four U.S. dollars), you can get whatwe call plate lunches in Hawaii that abound with wonderful Asian food of everyethnicity and variety. And the made-to-order iced tea at Food Opera was a truedelight, made by a barrista who was handling actual brewing pots and not acomplicated cappuccino machine.

The view from the Marriott on Orchard Road where we stayed.
The swimming pool on the left is atop the Ion Mall.

The malls, from glistening marble, glass and stainless steelnew ones, to older, funkier ones with roll-down metal doors on each storefront,all devoted considerable floor space to multiple escalators, although not so tobenches or other resting places for weary shoppers. Shoppers are never forcedto walk to either end of the mall in order to make their way up or down themany-layered malls, often four stories below ground and at least another fourstories above. In fact, at the Ion Mall, you could see multiple escalatorswhile riding one up or down. Obviously, with the multitude of malls, there isno lack of entrepreneurial fervor or designer chic profit. The number ofjewelry stores with significant inventory both in number and quality ofpieces is astounding, as is the number of hair and nail salons in all themalls, especially the more “local” ones that don’tspecialize in designer goods.

Inside Tang Plaza, one of the local malls

Singapore is Asian through and through. In many venues, suchas malls, the subway and the country’s two casinos, I could count on thefingers of one hand the number of non-Asians, one of them being my husband. Theonly exception to this was in our hotel, the Singapore Marriott, which had overhalf its guests being non-Asian, many from Australia. For me, I felt “at home.”I was surrounded not only by people who look like me (except for my height,weight and graying hair), but who also speak Cantonese and English both, sothat I felt at home regardless of which language was being spoken by the peoplearound me. Incidentally, it was interesting to note that the English spoken inSingapore is more akin to American English than British English.

A storefront Buddhist worship space in Chinatown

View from Chinatown in a city of contrasts -- pagoda roofs
and high rise public housing

All the women dye their hair. I did not see a singleSingaporean woman with gray or white hair. I did see some older ladies withwhite roots, indicating that they were overdue for a touch-up. So, I was oddnot only because of my relative size, but also because I have allowed myself togo gray, although after I noticed this phenomenon, I admit that I did then feelself-conscious.

The shoe stores sell women’s shoes to about an American size8 from what I could gather when viewing a size comparison chart in one shop.So, I quickly stopped looking to replace a pair of sandals that snapped astrap, thankfully in my hotel room and not while being worn out on the street.I observed many Singaporean women fashionably attired in high heels and darkhose, a look that I failed to carry off even in my younger, more fashionabledays, given my penchant for red and purple colored hose.

Singapore is an incredibly clean city-state, andSingaporeans appear to be really careful rules-followers. The signs say, “Noeating, drinking, smoking, gum chewing,” and you don’t see any eating,drinking, smoking or gum chewing in public places and especially onthe subway. This observation led us to notice that we had not seen a single dogor cat in our week there. We had to Google "pets in Singapore" to learn thatthere are very strict rules about owning pets in Singapore and where they’reallowed to be.

Herb waiting for our subway train

In a week’s time, we only saw uniformed police officersonce, and that was in the subway station underneath the governor’s residence.There was a group of six or eight uniformed officers who had two bomb-sniffingor contraband-sniffing German Shepherds under their control. I tried to take aphoto of them with my phone and was warned off by one of the officers. Needlessto say, I complied quickly and put my phone into my pants pocket.

Along with not seeing uniformed police, we also saw a greatcasualness with which people handled their personal belongings in public placessuch as the hawker (food) courts. It was apparently normal for women to puttheir purses and packages down at a table and choose a food stall to place their order. No one seemed to worry that someone would walk awaywith someone else’s belongings. It made us wonder about the presence ofun-uniformed police, security cameras and other crime deterrents. We noted that low crime is not the same as no crime.

We were told, and had read, that the unemployment rate inSingapore is very low (2%) and many workers are imported from Indonesia and thePhilippines. The notion of adequate staffing in shops, restaurants, malls andhotels is considerably different from what we’re used to in the United States.Here, we have to compete for the attention of scarce retail workers, while, in contrast, wenoticed a surfeit of retail workers, hotel wait, maid and maintenance staff,and restaurant servers in Singapore. We also noticed people stationed at some of theescalators to assist people off in the large upscale malls.

There is a lottery system to become eligible to buy aprivate auto, and the almost 100% license fee (tax) to own a private auto means thatonly the economically well-off can afford one. To alleviate rush hourcongestion, the downtown city streets have overhead electronic signs and tollsystems that operate during rush hour, and apparently, all vehicles areequipped with transponders to pay those tolls. The public transportation systemis extensive with buses and subways arriving constantly. Taxis are anothermatter, as we discovered the one night we went to a performance at theEsplanade and then waited over an hour in a taxi queue until we finally got oneto take us back to our hotel. Flagging one on the street would have beenimpossible, as we learned from stories told by other tourists.

The Marina Bay Sands Resort seen from street level --
three 55-storey towers joined by a one hectare roof sky park

The Shoppes at Marina Bay Sands Mall

We visited the two casinos in Singapore, both opened inearly 2010, and observed some noticeable differences from American Las Vegas-typecasinos. Singapore residents must pay an entry fee of 100 Singapore dollarseach visit or an annual fee of 2,000 Singapore dollars, while foreign visitorswith passports enter for free. Those entry fees don’t seem to deterSingaporeans from gambling though, and we saw only a handful of non-Asians ineither casino. You can buy an alcoholic beverage in the bars and restaurants,but inside the casino, you can only get tea, water or soft drinks. There weresome table games that were foreign to us, appearing to be Asian card games.

Evening at The Forum gathering and shopping area
on Sentosa Island

Friends, Facebook and All That Jazz

2012-01-01T13:20:00.000-07:00

I had two great conversations with women friends yesterday—acousin-in-law and my husband’s best friend’s wife. Afterwards, I wondered tomyself, why don’t I do this more often, because such conversations so feed my souland connect me to the human family.

The first convo was a Facebook chat, both of us typingfuriously to share our thoughts. The second was a conventional telephoneconversation, not FaceTime or Skype. I offer my heartfelt thanks to these womenfor their friendship. May their days be richly blessed with fulfillment,happiness and joy, and may their nights be peaceful, soft and fanciful.

On the Myers-Briggs Typology, my indicators are ENTP(extroversion-intuition-thinking-perception). I have found, though, as I havegrown older, my counter-balancing introversion is coming out, and I need a lotmore “down” time to recover from time spent with others. That might also be aresult of how much more I invest myself in others than when I was younger, howmuch more willing I am to be present to another’s joys and pains and not turnaway, but rather, to engage.

I think that for some of us lucky ones, as we grow older, wealso gather strength from the journey, and that strength empowers a vastempathy and compassion that we lacked in our youth. I don’t know about you, butmy youth was consumed with ego and financial survival, trying to gain a stakein the larger society where I was often an outsider and marginalized.

All the electronic media and social networking toolsdefinitely are making an impact on my psyche and my habits.

I carry an iPhone – everywhere, usually in my pants pocket,so that I have it even in the bathroom, where I play Words with Friends. I have whittled my computers down to a MacBookPro laptop and am totally weaned – forever – from any Windows-based computer ofmy own. I have eschewed my husband’s offer of a hand-me-down iPad, because I’mat the limit of my capacity to consume personal technology. A hand-me-down iPodlies unused on the coffee table, since my iPhone and laptop contain all mymusic. Soon, the laptop, through the Kindle app, will also contain all mybooks.

My Web browser opens automatically to Gmail, Facebook,Twitter, my blog, AOL, and iGoogle. I’ve got another dozen or so Web pagesbookmarked for quick access and view my checking accounts online daily. Ihaven’t balanced a checkbook in decades, says this former banker. I only readnews online via online newspapers, news journals and news compilers. Isubscribe to numerous news and cause email subscriptions, and I really valuethe Facebook posts that lead me to articles I wouldn’t otherwise find on myown. I confess that I don’t view nearly as many videos online as my FacebookFriends post, because I’m impatient, preferring to read the story rather thanto view it.

I find Facebook, which is my main social networking arena,to be at once both intimate and offputting. I remember “Short Circuit,” a 1986film about an anthropomorphic robot named “Number 5,” who constantly demanded moreinput. I feel like Number 5 when the news feed on Facebook slows down like itusually does on Saturdays and Sundays. Many of my Facebook Friends areassociated with the church, and those are the days when their attention turnsto church activities like preparing sermons.

I know that I frustrate some of my Facebook Friends, becauseI leave my computer on all the time, except when I’m traveling with it. I’moften not at the computer even though Facebook says I’m online, when they pingme to chat. I especially apologize to my Facebook Friends from Africa who areawake when I’m asleep and away from my computer.

Facebook raises conundrums for me. Can one be voyeuristicwhen others are being exhibitionistic? I admit to viewing the Info and Walls pagesof Friends of Friends sometimes out of curiosity, especially if I have heardstories of those Friends of Friends from my Friends.

I think that it’s possible to develop a sense of thesubtleties of what people are feeling when they post on Facebook, in the sameway that experienced drivers can sense what the driver in front of them isgoing to do without any overt signals being given. So, I have claimed Facebookas my mission field in the sense that I chat with many young people on Facebookin the middle of the night about life, love, despair and all that jazz. Theseyoung people inspire me with their passions, dreams and complex lives. Theycompel me to continue my activism about things that matter.

What a glorious time to be alive! Welcome, 2012! Bring iton!

Creating Family: The Hanai Family

2011-12-30T20:43:00.001-07:00

Not all of us are lucky enough to immerse ourselves into thebosom of blood relations who love us. And the feelings of loss and lack areespecially felt during family holidays like Thanksgiving and Christmas.

My husband, Herb, and I spent twelve days in Springfield,Massachusetts, with our daughter and daughter-in-law, separately, because thegirls are in the process of getting a divorce. They split up in July, afterjust one year of marriage, and are learning how to live apart after five yearsof being together as a couple. The breakup is still so new that many in theextended family haven’t yet heard the news. It’s not the sort of thing thatanyone finds joy in announcing. Our extended family was incredibly loving and supportivewhen the girls married on July 4th a year ago, embracing the first openly gaycouple in our Chinese and Jewish families.

One of the best things I learned from 15+ years living inHawaii is that we can choose to adopt our own family, made up of persons whoneed our love and whose love we can benefit from. Herb and I have been in thepractice of creating a hanai familyfor the entire three decades that we have been together. It’s what we do, andwho we are, as a couple. There have been ex-secretaries escaping abusivemarriages, Vietnam vets escaping personal demons, undocumented aliens seekingbetter lives for their families, and more. A hanai family is one that you choose, and foster and love intobeing, and it is any shape that you create it to be, where the bonds are bondsof love and choice, and desire to be together in mutual love and support.

When our daughter and daughter-in-law first got together, wemet a young woman, only a few months younger than our daughter, who had beenexpelled from her family shortly after high school graduation, when she wasinadvertently outed, for being gay. She’d been living by her wits and whateverkindnesses people were willing to extend to her in the interim. Her family ofbirth consisted of divorces, alcohol and drug abuse, and so many lies that itwas difficult for any of her family to distinguish truth from lies anymore. Andfor her family of birth, judgmental and irrational attitudes trumped love, withthe exception of one grandmother, who has since passed away.

We found in our daughter-in-law, just as our daughter foundin her, a delightful young woman full of gifts and potential and an indomitablewill to survive and do well; she only needed a family who believed in her andwho were willing to be a supportive, present, loving and embracing family. Webecame that family for her, and we promised her, with our daughter’sconcurrence and support, that we would be her family even if the girls broke upand were no longer in a relationship. That day has arrived.

Being loving and supportive is easy in the context ofourselves being an intact, wholesome and loving family that isn’t currentlyfacing a lot of stressors like terminal illness, financial instability or badbehavior within the family. We are blessed, and we know it. We rely on ourfaith, and we rely on each other. But, and it’s a big “but,” maintaining familyrelationships in the context of a divorce and in the context of societal normsis not easy, because it’s not the norm and what’s expected.

Figuring out how to split one’s time between two householdsfor things like a holiday meal is actually relatively simple. You negotiatewhat’s convenient for everyone. Figuring out how to tell each girl that youlove her for who she is, and that your love for the other girl doesn’t diminishyour love for her, is much harder, because it’s not just your feelings,thoughts and actions that you must account for. You also have to account foreach girl’s feelings and thoughts. And as much as each girl wants to be her bestself, expressing love even when she’s also expressing independence andseparation from the other spouse, they can’t help but feel the pain of loss andall the things done and said that are now so much water under the bridge.

I wonder, a bit, if this isn’t something of what familieswith adopted children might encounter occasionally. I do not say that todenigrate or in any way take away from adoptive families, whom I admire deeplyand profoundly. We are a form of adoptive family as a hanai family, having chosen to incorporate others who weren’t bornor married into our family as part of our family, with access to love, support,and inclusion in birthday and holiday celebrations and all the other activitiesthat families do together as family.

This holiday season, as I read my Facebook feed and see,again, my young friends who are estranged from their actual parents andfamilies, I want to reassure them that they can have the family that they’vedreamt of. It’s theirs to choose, to form and foster, in the configuration andshape that will meet their needs and buoy their dreams. And, if they choose, Iam willing to be included, as a hanaimom or hanai sister or hanai Godmother. They can take theirpick, and I will be there, online or in person, to cheer their joys andsuccesses, to soothe their hurts and losses, and to lend strength to theirjourneys so that they know they’re not alone, not separate, but a part of a hanai family.

The problem with talking

2011-11-30T22:54:00.000-07:00

The problem with talking is

that my words bleed all over my ego

and make me cringe.

The advantage of aging is

that cringing is not enough

to make me stop talking.

Speaking the truth as I see it

means that I often speak alone

and speak without being heard.

Not being heard doesn’t make

what I have to say

any less valid.

Not being heard doesn’t make

me hesitate to speak again

the next time and the next time after that.

I love the courage that aging brings.

It heats up my veins

and gives me power surges.

I may not be quick and agile

but I am firm and persistent

and my eyes are wide open.

I am awake.

I am a participant.

I am present here and now.

Jesus in the Margins

2011-11-23T16:19:00.000-07:00

No church orgovernment

should insulateitself

from raw humanneed

Mangers on WallStreet

fuel peacefulacts of protest

This is theplace

where Jesus wasborn

Hunger forfreedom in Egypt

fuels desperateacts of protest

This is theplace

where Muhammadwas born

Beggarsplentiful

as black flieson city dung heaps

too weary toprotest

This is theplace

where Buddha wasborn

Focus our thirdeye

really see

our eyes

never to beclosed

sheltered fromthe unedited

again

Our Mothergroans

with rememberedbirth pains

In gathering weremember

where we wereborn

Hear thewhispered confessions

of lifelongselfishness

Hear thewhispered prayers

on dyingchildren’s lips

Pleading

that we makedifferent choices

Step back

to widen thecircle

Be slow

to enter thecenter

Where thewarmth,

water and safetyare

Need less, sharemore

There are others

waiting to bebeckoned in

to thepossibility of

hospitalitywithout a home

Salve our brokensouls

with love sogentle

it evokes thesusurration

of a thousandmillion

angels’ wingsascending

to Heaven’sthrone

Humankind insocieties

must embrace adifferent path

says the kingwho walks among us

Our Marriage

2011-11-16T18:25:00.001-07:00

I'm back after a long absence. For the past six weeks, I've been constantly on the road attending church meetings and conducting workshops, preaching and teaching--seven meetings in six cities. It has been a delightful privilege and a humbling experience to be invited into communities of people doing wonderful ministry, to share conversation and stories with them, and to be blessed by their wisdom and spirits. I have also been blessed at home, here in Colorado, by a mother who loves to keep busy, doing the laundry and the cooking, and by a husband who continues to do consulting work, engaging interesting problems with tenacity and insight, and who doesn't demand a stay-at-home partner. I have garnered a boatload of stories and thoughts from these past six weeks and am eager to begin to blog about them!

* * * * * * * * * *
Below is my response to the current question in the Deputy Online Forum hosted by the President of the House of Deputies, Bonnie Anderson, of The Episcopal Church, which asks:

"In what ways do these theological principles (found in a document entitled "Theological Reflection on Covenantal Relationships: A Summary of 'Faith, Hope, and Love'") describe your experience of lifelong monogamous relationship (your own or someone else’s)? How do or might they help the Church consider the monogamous, lifelong, covenantal relationships of same-gender couples?"

* * * * *
Today my husband of almost 30 years and I had lunch with a friend and shared stories about how we have, in the wonderful partnership of our marriage, been able to incorporate into our family several other families who were undocumented and in great financial and pastoral need. It has been very clear to my husband and me that the covenanted, faithful aspect of our marriage has been integral in our call and our response to the needs of these immigrant families. This particular life of service probably would not have been possible had we remained unmarried and single. We more than likely would have been consumed with the demands of making a living and figuring out how to have meaningful social relationships, as was the case when we first met and chose each other. I am not saying that being single is bad; I am saying that my husband and I each have a vocation in marriage.

It has been the gift of our married life together that has strengthened us in our commitment to share the blessings that we have received. Having a partner whom we trust totally, with whom we can share completely our physical, emotional and spiritual lives, has given us the freedom and the joyful sense of gratitude to desire to share the blessings of friendship and family with others. We both know and acknowledge that we are better at being who we are, because we are married to each other. My husband makes me a better "Me," and I make him a better "Him." We don't take what we have as married partners for granted, and reflecting upon what we have makes us want more than ever to help others to be able to have the same thing.

We have taught our children that the single most important decision that anyone can make is choosing whom to love, including choosing to love God. Why should such an important choice be bounded by something as naturally occurring as gender or skin color? Our hope and our prayer for our children and grandchildren is that they find the partner who will help them create the sense of family, partnership, and completeness in their physical, emotional and spiritual lives, and when they find that partner, that they not feel any restrictions of artificial boundaries such as gender or skin color.

Appearances, Teachers and Stewardship of Mission

2011-11-01T10:50:00.000-06:00

[I had the opportunity to preach at St. George's Episcopal Church, Bismarck, this past Sunday, after having attended North Dakota's Diocesan Convention where I gave the convention workshop on Appreciative Inquiry: A Tool for Mission. This is my sermon.]

The Gospel: Matthew23:1-12

Me Ke Aloha Pumehana. Aloha Kakou. Mahalo E Ke Akua No KeiaLa. Amen’e ~ I greet you with the warmth of my love. May there be love between us.Thanks be to God for this day. Amen.

I found it ironic on Thursday morning when I left ruralBoulder County where I live in Colorado, that I left the remnants of 15 inchesof cold, wet, heavy snow and many fallen tree branches and rolling blackouts,to arrive here in bright, sunny Bismarck, North Dakota. Bishop Michael hadadvised me to leave a day early to get here to your diocesan convention, incase of weather. Little did either he or I think that the weather would be inColorado and not in North Dakota!

Thevery dense Gospel reading of this morning is a little bit like that unexpectedweather picture between Colorado and North Dakota. Things are often not whatthey appear to be on the surface. The scribes and Pharisees of whom Jesus istalking in the Gospel paid great attention to appearances. The Pharisees were areligious sect who paid particular attention to being pious, observing thereligious laws of the times including making up some rules of their own, alongthe way.

ThePharisees made sure they had the nicest looking phylacteries or tefillin – apair of small black leather boxes containing scrolls of parchment inscribedwith verses from the Jewish bible, the Torah, that they wore around their neckswhile saying morning prayers, and that the fringes of their prayer shawls,which they wore tied around their waists, were long enough to show under theircoats – all for show, so that others might see them and their phylacteries andshawl fringes and see that they were pious. Jesus said, “They do all theirdeeds to be seen by others… They love to have the place of honor at banquetsand the best seats in the synagogues, and to be greeted with respect in themarketplaces, and to have people call them rabbi.”

I’dlike to take you back with me almost sixty years, to my childhood experience ofchurch, as a little girl growing up in Detroit, Michigan. The story of how Iended up in a beautiful, huge, gothic, cathedral-like church in downtownDetroit begins in China. My mother married my father in an arranged marriage inChina and came to the United States a year after their marriage, when hernumber finally rose to the top of the quota list that allowed her, a pregnant19-year old, and her Chinese-American husband, my father, a 24-year old cookfrom New York’s Chinatown, to come to New York City. Five years later, myfamily was living in Detroit, Michigan, where the unskilled labor jobs on theautomobile factory assembly lines drew my father.

Mymother, whose family had been evangelized a couple of generations earlier byChristian missionaries, took me and my two younger brothers to church, so thatshe could be comforted by being in the presence of God, because it was verylonely being in a foreign country where she didn’t speak the language and hadno family or friends. My memory of church as a child was of being dressed up in“Sunday best” and being on good behavior – back in the days of “Children shouldbe seen and not heard.” Women and girls wore hats and white gloves and coveredour shoulders. No tank tops or sleeveless dresses and no jeans or flip-flopsfor us. The unintended lesson that I learned about going to church was that itwas important to look the part of a church-goer. How else would anyone back inthe poor, inner city neighborhood where we lived know that I was a goodChristian girl from a good Christian family, even if we were Chinese and mymother wasn’t American, if I didn’t look the part in my Sunday best, gettingoff the street car every Sunday afternoon?

Fastforward to today, in Bismarck, North Dakota, and in Boulder County, Colorado,and we won’t see everyone in church dressed up in “Sunday best.” Churchnow-a-days is a “Come as you are” affair, and I think we are better for it.Jesus welcomes everyone into the membership of his Body and Blood, into hisBeloved Community, and two thousand years later, we have learned the lessonthat he taught in today’s Gospel.

Jesussaid, in regard to those scribes and Pharisees, who cared so much aboutappearances, “do whatever they teach you and follow it; but do not do as they do,for they do not practice what they teach. They tie up heavy burdens, hard tobear, and lay them on the shoulders of others; they themselves are unwilling tolift a finger to move them. They do all their deeds to be seen by others; for theymake their phylacteries broad and their fringes long.”

Itis significant to note that Jesus did not say, “don’t listen to the Pharisees,”and “don’t do what they teach,” because Jesus knows that we humans have feet ofclay. We humans, including the Pharisees of long ago, have many weaknesses andcharacter flaws. That doesn’t mean that we don’t also know some good lessonsand some truths that we can teach.

Howmany of you are parents? How many of you still have living parents with whomyou have conversations? Sometimes, we have to do what our parents teach, evenwhen we know that we shouldn’t do what our parents do, because they aren’tperfect.

Jesusgoes on in this Gospel passage to tell us to call no one rabbi or teacher,because we have only one teacher and only one instructor – Jesus himself.

* * ** * * * * * *

Aswe enter into this season of the church year when we begin to talk aboutstewardship, a lot of thoughts enter into our minds about what it means to begood stewards as members of the Body of Christ, as members of Christ’s Church.Traditionally, we talk about stewardship in terms of the stewardship of time,talent, and treasure. We talk about giving generously, because much has beengiven to us. John 3:16 says: “For God soloved the world that he gave his only Son, so that everyone who believes in himmay not perish but may have eternal life.” We talk about giving joyfully, because 2 Corinthians 9:7says: “Each of you must give as you havemade up your mind, not reluctantly or under compulsion, for God loves acheerful giver.”

Iwould like to suggest to you, in the context of the Gospel reading for today,that you consider Jesus as your one and only instructor, and the fact thatJesus gave a new commandment in John 13:34-35: “I give you a new commandment, that you love one another. Just as Ihave loved you, you also should love one another. By this everyone will knowthat you are my disciples, if you have love for one another.’”

I think this new commandment given in the Gospel of Johnholds us to a higher standard than the Golden Rule found in the Summary of theLaw, to “love your neighbor as yourself.” In fact, I think that if we were tohold ourselves to the standard that Jesus sets, to “love one another,” “Just asI have loved you,” we would be spending ourselves and our treasure, our talent,and our time – very, very differently from the way that we have done it up untilnow.

Iwant to broaden talking about stewardship to the concept of “stewardship ofmission.” I want to challenge you to think about stewardship in terms of howyou and I, individually, personally, become involved in participating in whatGod is doing in the world.

Godhas a mission for his church that he wants us to be intimately, personally, deeply,passionately involved in. In theological language, we say that there is missio dei, the mission of God. God isdoing something wonderful and wondrous in the world, and God is inviting usinto that wonderful and wondrous thing that he is doing. God is inviting us,and all we have to do is say, “Yes, Lord, it is I. Yes, Lord, send me.” In manyways, we said “Yes, Lord,” when we were first baptized into the holy body ofChrist, into his church. We said, “Yes, Lord,” again, when we became confirmedas mature teens or adults, making a public affirmation of our response to God,the “Yes, Lord,” that we said, or that was said for us, when we were first baptizedas adults or as infants and young children.

Inour stewardship relationship to God’s mission, we are being invited in – in tothe reconciling work that God is doing in the world. We are being invited in –to the work that restores and mends relationships in God’s creation so that thepersecuted are victimized no more, so that the peacemakers are lifted up andblessed for their efforts. We are being invited to share in God’s mission inthe world, so that the ones who love God, see their love of God reflected inthe hearts of those with whom they share the good news of God’s redeeming love,so that the merciful see their acts of mercy multiplied by others who aretouched by those acts of mercy. Our participation in God’s mission in theworld, to restore our sisters and brothers to unity with one another throughChrist’s sacrifice of love, means that we will be the hands that feed thehungry, and the arms that comfort those who mourn and are heavy-hearted.Stewardship of mission – our active, vibrant, joyful participation in the goodwork that God is doing in the world – means that we will stand in solidaritywith all those who suffer from broken relationships, and we will love them asJesus loves us. Jesus calls us to our better selves, to love others as he lovesus.

Letme give you some specific examples of the kind of transforming love that I amtalking about, that changes the way that we love one another, and that changesthe way that we participate in God’s mission.

BishopNedi Rivera, the provisional bishop of the Diocese of Eastern Oregon, and Iwere traveling together in Taiwan a few years ago. We had an afternoon off andwent to visit Taipei 101, which used to be the tallest building in the world at101 stories tall. We ended up in the gift shop at the top of Taipei 101, and wesaw a beautiful carved coral necklace, that was only $199, which was a verygood price. I encouraged Nedi to try the necklace on, and we both admired it.The sales clerk told Nedi how great the necklace looked on her, and Nediagreed. But Nedi did not buy the necklace, because she said something that Iwill never forget. She said, “I could never spend that much money on myself.”What Nedi said changed the way that Ishop. I no longer spend money on myself and my own wants and needs the waythat I used to.

Wewere talking about stewardship in an Education for Ministry class more than tenyears ago, and the associate rector told a story about a seminary classmate ofhers. She and her classmate were engaged in a conversation about the biblicaltithe of 10% - the concept of giving 10% of your income to the work of thechurch before you begin spending the other 90% on yourself. The conversationwent something like this. Most people aren’t able to bring themselves to give a10% tithe, for whatever reason, but it’s important to try to get into thediscipline of giving a set percentage to the work of the church, instead ofjust giving a set dollar amount. It’s the discipline of getting into a regularhabit – a holy habit, if you will, that’s important – of giving a setpercentage. My associate rector said that her classmate talked about how he andhis wife were engaging tithing – giving the full 10% off the top beforeaddressing their own wants and needs, and that the act of tithing changed theway that he and his wife ate. . . Think about that – the act of tithing changed the way that they ate.

I had the opportunity to listen to anIslamic imam, a Muslim cleric, give a lecture about the five pillars of Islam,which are the five basic principles on which faithful Muslims base their lives.(There are three major religions that all trace their heritage back to FatherAbraham. We are often called the Abrahamic faiths – Judaism, Islam andChristianity.) The imam talked about the Islamic tradition of giving, which is apercentage based on not just income, but also on wealth – that is, based oneverything that you own, not just on what you earned this year – and that it isgiven personally, face-to-face, to the needy in your community. It is an ideathat is based on relationship with those you are helping. Imagine that – givingthat is based on relationship and not just on writing a check. It is a factthat growing, healthy congregations have at least 25% of their members engagedin hands-on, up close and personal mission and ministry where relationships arebeing formed and nurtured.

Alot of the thinking around Asset Based Community Development revolves aroundbuilding and strengthening relationships. Asset Based Community Developmentinvolves focusing on the gifts that every community and everyone in a communityhas, as compared to focusing merely on the needs that communities andindividuals in those communities have. Presiding Bishop Mark Hanson of theEvangelical Lutheran Church in America refers to an accompaniment model ofmission where we get involved in the lives of the people with whom and for whomwe are doing mission. Because getting involved in people’s lives, buildingrelationships, is an active way of entering into God’s mission of restoringhumanity to unity with God through Jesus’ example of sacrificial love. Becauseaccompanying people in their life’s journey not only changes them, but itchanges us. It transforms us into the carriers of Jesus’ redeeming love intothe world.

* * ** * * * * * *

So,dear brothers and sisters, what are the lessons in today’s Gospel? It’s reallyrather simple. Follow Jesus as our one and only true teacher. Don’t be fooledby appearances, and don’t be seduced into caring overly much about how youlook. Pay attention to Jesus’ new commandment, to love others as Jesus lovesyou, because that’s how everyone will know that you follow Jesus. Practiceradical generosity, giving out of the depths of your love for others, becauseyou will be transformed, by living into the grace with which God has blessedyou. Amen.

Breaking Up is Hard to Do

2011-10-11T13:50:00.000-06:00

[Dedicated to all who risk entering into relationships.

It may not feel like it sometimes, but it's worth it.]

Night

When I close my eyes

hieroglyphs and petroglyphs

stream across

my red veined eyelids

I tilt my head

listening to the sound

of all the breaking hearts

everywhere

across the time-space continuum

a cacophony

it is the music of the human condition

Reflection

If you feel bad

you’re right on target

crossing all the checkpoints

beginning with shock and surprise

that lock down your thoughts

unable to object

events roll right over you

if you’re on this ride

it’s only because

you got stuck in the mechanism

of promise-making

you didn’t choose to buy this ticket

Waking

Falling onto the tracks

the train barreling down

there’s nothing left to say

nothing to think about

only your brain trying

to figure out

who’s that screaming?

Loyalty Programs

2011-10-03T02:50:00.000-06:00

Marketing is a business practice that figures out whatconsumers are interested in and then develops strategies for influencingconsumers to become customers. Marketing has grown exponentially from the goodold days of print advertising and billboards to robocalls, sidebar and banner adson social networking sites and commercials preceding the news story you’veclicked on.

Loyalty programs started out as a good thing that havebecome, in the instance of airline reward programs, promises that aren’t kept.United Airlines is in the process of merging with Continental Airlines, which meansmerging their frequent flier programs as well. Just do the math, and you’ll seethat the downgrades affecting the lower echelon of loyal elite fliers wereinevitable.

Nearly twice as many frequent flier members means that even among the elite, everyone doesn’t get to benefit. It makes sense, from the airline’s perspective,to give preferential treatment to the first class and business class fliers whopay more for tickets and fly more miles compared to economy class fliers. But,the downgrades – from no longer being able to reserve a premium seat at time ofbooking and only being allowed one free checked bag instead of two – represent promises stretched to the point of being broken no matter how you look at it.

The fact that the fine print says the airlines couldchange or cancel the programs at any time is no excuse. Depending ontechnicalities to change the rules while using marketing to raise and nurtureloyalty based on promises of rewards is part of what’s wrong with the waythat American companies do business. There is something inherently immoralabout the scheme. In another context it might be called "bait and switch."

The airlines have a history of breaking promises. We haven’tforgotten the defaulted or vastly reduced pension plans forairline employees and how employees were led to believe during their workingyears that their pensions were promises of future financial security. The government's Pension Benefit Guaranty Corporation also failed to live up to its promises. Guaranty doesn't mean guaranteed. Words can be manipulated through marketing to mean anything at all.

There are a number of local businesses to which my family isvery loyal, even when their prices are slightly or even significantly higherthan elsewhere. Why? Because these businesses give great customer service. Wecan rely on their word; they stand behind what they sell and the services they provide. Their employees are unfailingly polite, competent and honest.These businesses don’t need a separate loyaltyprogram, because by being good at what they do, they keep loyal customerscoming back.

Anxiety, Giddiness and Kneejerk Reactions

2011-10-02T15:19:00.000-06:00

There’s been a lot of lifehappening all around me, in the church community and in our family. Along with that lifecomes lots of anxiety, giddiness and kneejerk reactions that bear some comment.

Just because something someone says or does generates animmediate emotional response inside you doesn’t mean that you have to shareyour feelings and thoughts with the rest of us immediately. Chances are – ifyou hung onto those feelings and thoughts for a few hours, or better yet, a dayor two, it might change the tone, substance and amount of what you share – tothe better. You’ll sound smarter, more thoughtful and be less likely to have toapologize or feel guilty later.

Online forums facilitate sharing one’s thoughts with adispersed community, but they carry an inherent danger of “opening your mouthbefore engaging your brain.” Just because you can comment doesn’t mean that you should. Show some judgment and restraint, or as was said in anearlier generation, show some “class.”

When you’re happy while others around you are sad – likewhen you’ve landed the perfect new job while your buddies are still jobless,struggling to survive, give a thought to how you express your happiness withoutwounding your friends unintentionally. I’ve written before about how we shouldbe happy for one another’s good fortune, how we shouldn’t have to dampen ourhappiness unduly. I’m not saying that you shouldn’t celebrate your goodfortune. But it’s about tone, substance and amount of sharing again. It’s aboutempathy and compassion. We used to say, “put yourself in the other’s shoes” and“follow the Golden Rule.”

Some of us, yours truly included, have a core of impulsivitythat we have to work really hard to control. Spontaneity and impulsivity aretwo sides of the same coin – an ability to respond to the world withunfettered enthusiasm and sheer joy or with unedited anger and harshretribution. It’s easy to forgive or even join in the enthusiastic and joyfulspontaneous and impulsive acts of others. They typically don’t cause irreparableor lasting harm.

But it’s often tough to forgive or recover from a flood ofanger and paybacks, because the feelings they engender touch our very core notionsof who we are and what our relationships are about. Count to ten. Count to athousand. Make that ten thousand or a million, because it just might be best not tostop counting so that you don’t open those floodgates.

These instances of anxiety, giddiness and kneejerkreactions call for the healthier alternative of slowing down our responsesinstead of letting them fly out ontheir own. Slowing down allows space for deliberation and intentionality, so that we are not at the effect of our feelings or gut reactions. Relationships are worth the effort and time that it takes to thinkabout them, invest in them and get them right.

Responding to Bishop Stacy Saul's Presentation

2011-09-26T11:54:00.000-06:00

For background and context for the followingpost, see the Episcopal News Service’s article here andongoing commentary on the subject at Episcopal Café here.Bishop Stacy Sauls, the newly appointed Chief Operating Officer of TheEpiscopal Church, made a PowerPoint presentation on structuring/restructuring thechurch as well as provided a model resolution for diocesan conventions toconsider, and they may be found here [opens a PowerPoint document]. Thefollowing post is my response to the fact that Bishop Sauls made hispresentation to the House of Bishops first without any prior notice to theExecutive Council, which is The Episcopal Church’s governing body in thetrienniums between General Conventions when both the House of Deputies and theHouse of Bishops meet to consider legislation to govern the church.

Ifind it ironic that in a church where our Catechism defines the mission of theChurch is “to restore all people to unity with God and each other in Christ”that Bishop Sauls, presumably in his capacity as the Chief Operating Officer,has made a presentation on structure/restructure to the House of Bishops priorto meeting the interim governing body of the church, the Executive Council, inperson for the first time. That first in-person meeting will not take placeuntil Council meets in Salt Lake City October 21-24.

Weare a church that believes in the importance of relationship in the Body ofChrist, and yet, we continue to impair our necessary working relationships byplacing ideas, proposals and time pressures over and above respectingrelationships with timely and collegial communications. Actions trump thoughtsand words in exemplifying our beliefs.

Perhapsapproaching the House of Bishops first might be blamed on the fact that BishopSauls has, in fact, not yet met Council, but has a long-term collegialrelationship with other bishops in the House of Bishops and seized anopportunity to share some ideas with his sister and brother bishops due to thetiming of the bishops’ meeting.

Ihave observed and heard from colleagues in other dioceses that there is asimilar pattern in diocesan life, that is, that some bishops communicate thingsto the clergy cadre often in advance of communicating with their StandingCommittees who share diocesan governance with them, leaving the StandingCommittee members to learn these things from secondary and tertiary sources.So, from my point of view, this practice does not stand in isolation, and itsmacks of disrespect for both the persons and the positions, howeverunintended.

BishopSauls’ presentation to the bishops first may also be a reflection of thereality that diocesan bishops respond more readily to recommendations fromamong themselves to commit their dioceses to study a specific subject than theydo to recommendations that come from either General Convention or ExecutiveCouncil.

Iam experienced enough in organizational life to wonder if there was somethingintentionally strategic aboutpresentation to the bishops first. Could this be an example of apologize laterrather than notify first? It is also true in organizational life that she/hewho speaks first and frames an issue often then has set the direction for theensuing discussion.

Howpeople feel about the circumstancessurrounding the work that they have to do significantly impacts how they think about the substance of that work.Having said all of the above, my hope and prayer is that we will be able tomove forward together in an attitudeof unity as sisters and brothers in The Episcopal Church who want to engage ourmissional work with charity, clarity and truly shared decision-making acrossall the ministers of the church – laity, priests, bishops and deacons.

Banned Questions About the Bible

2011-09-22T13:27:00.000-06:00

My friend, Deb Sampson, has been collecting a set of responses from all over the Diocese of Colorado to an adaptation of 50 questions from Christian Piatt's book, Banned Questions About the Bible, to be used for a class at her church, Good Shepherd Episcopal Church. I was honored to be asked to participate, and here are the questions that I chose to answer:

#6 -- If people have to beChristians to go to heaven, what happens to all of the people born before Jesusor who never hear about his ministry?

I think of heaven as being united with God, and I think ofGod’s time as being without beginning or end (God, the alpha and the omega).Jesus IS God. God is Love. Knowing Jesus-God is knowing Love. Knowing thestories of Jesus-God’s ministry is just details. So, in God’s time, ineternity, people in their soul form have an endless opportunity to choose to beunited with God. God never gives up on his beloved Creation, which includes allpeople.

#15 -- How can God beall-loving yet allow people to be thrown into hell?

I think of hell as being separated from God, from Love. Godcreated people in God’s image, with free will. Love is an act of will. Peoplechoose to love or choose not to love. God is Love, and God-Love allows peopleto exercise their free will.

#19 -- Where are all themiracles today? If they were so prevalent in biblical times, why don't anyhappen today? Or do they and we just don't notice?

Miracles are all around us, everyday, everywhere, but wehave succumbed to the distractions of our egos and our lives. Humankind isnarcissistic. We tend to see the world only through the lens of our own selves.That narcissistic lens is like a permanent cataract that distorts our vision.As with cataracts, our vision isn’t good enough to see all the small dailymiracles all around us. We only notice miracles if they’re huge enough to dropon our houses and heads and shake our world.

Think about the joy that a child, a young innocent, takes insimple things like blowing bubbles or mushing up a sweet, ripe fruit. Thinkabout the occasions when you’ve stopped suddenly and noticed the fragrance ofblossoming honeysuckle or the smell of wet grass after a rainfall. When we canstep outside of ourselves into a stiller, simpler moment, we then have the eyesto encompass the miracles, because we see with an inner vision as well asthrough our physical eyes, and that inner vision is connected to God, thesource of all miracles. Miracles are messages from God, invitations to come andsee “my Creation and that it is very good.”

#23 -- Hell, Sheol, Hades,Gehenna, and Tartarus are all labeled as “hell” by one or more Christiangroups. Are they really the same? Are they all places of fiery torment? Aresuch things to be taken literally, metaphorically, or both?

All of those names for hell refer to the same thing, whichis separation from God who is Love, separation from Love. Separation from Loveis experienced and embodied by each person differently, in differentintensities at different times, triggered by different external life events ofall sorts – from loss of a parent to loss of a partner to loss of a job or lossof an ideal, etc.

Because love is an act of will, separation from Love carrieswith it the added pain of self-hurt, of self-inflicted injury that our soulrecognizes as such even when our conscious mind believes that the hurt isother-imposed. It is that self-denial of our willful withdrawal from Love thatis sinfulness manifest. And that sinfulness and self-denial imprison us in ourown individual hells.

Certainly there are instances of separation from Love that aperson can experience as torment so strong that it feels like one is beingconsumed by an unquenchable fire, but there are also instances of separationfrom Love that feel like a complete absence of feeling, a disembodiment ofself, a numbness that feels more like being frozen solid than like burning up.You can call it a metaphorical feeling, that burning up or being frozen solid,but the person experiencing it knows it as real and palpable and present, now.

In one of the reviews that I read about Piatt's book, the writer made the point that it's not necessarily the answers that matter, but that the conversation continues about these important, and perhaps occasionally, impertinent questions. I agree.

Edges

2011-09-01T21:49:00.000-06:00

I watch you dance

a prologue to love

storms

& flights to the sun

and I want to know

what love is

regret & grief

are what I know

they burrow deep

it is the dark interstices

I’m familiar with

the in-betweens

where there is equivocation

one foot firmly out the door

heartache & pain

ordinary as the clothes

you choose to

put on each day

grief & longing

are not so far apart

both elongating

pulled by ones

who don’t look back

distanced, yet connected

we are stars of a new

constellation

yet to be named

yet to be fixed

in the firmament of heaven

It’s not the hard work

of relationship that kills

it is the disappointment

beat beat beating

the flattened place in our hearts

that has no room for charitable thoughts

the escape of hope

from brain cells eroded

by the beat beat beating

grim grief

leading to despair

If we could gather up the edges

pull them tight

stuff the light back in

I promise you

life will grow again

expand

one breath into the next

one day after another

new light leading to new hope

fragile yet tenacious

a reverse gravity

pulling us

stars

into the

firmament of heaven

[Written Sunday, August 21, 2011]

It has been ever so

2011-07-31T18:29:00.000-06:00

My empathy meter is working overtime these days, and I am alternately sad, outraged, depressed and frustrated by my fellow human beings.

I just read an article in the Sunday Los Angeles Times about violence against nurses and caregivers, and I am so depressed by it. I'm depressed by the reaction of the hospital administrators after incidences of violence against staff have occurred, and I'm depressed by our American society that has dismantled the mental health residential facilities for patients who can't live by themselves or with their families.

Families - not everyone is lucky enough to have a functioning or cohesive family anymore. It's become too easy to divorce our families over all manner of slights and bad behavior and not to have the familial structure of elders to hold folks accountable. Mutual responsibility and accountability are key but not so easy to inculcate when family members are struggling to make ends meet. Don't get me wrong - I'm not saying that some family members shouldn't be divorced for our own mental and emotional health, and some familial bad behavior is best left in the dust along with the perpetrators.

I've also been following stories about school districts across the country and their failure to educate our children and to compensate teachers appropriately. This downhill slide in terms of maintaining a social safety net that enhances our life together has been happening throughout my lifetime, and mostly, I've been old enough to pay attention and watch its advance. The expectations of elders that children will attend school, on time and prepared, everyday, that they will do their homework and speak to teachers with respect, that they will do their very best at their "jobs," which is going to school, certainly helped my brothers, my cousins and me to go on to college and good jobs.

It's very clear to me that all of our societal ills are interconnected, that throwing money at them alone won't solve them, and that throwing people under the bus won't solve them either. The ideas of politicians, elected leaders, citizen activists, academic and think tank experts, and you and me all have merit at some level. The disagreements and the ways in which we disagree throw roadblocks into our hopes for compromise, experimentation and just rolling up our sleeves and tackling the hard work of digging out from under.

The resetting of an economic equilibrium for most of us continues to be painful. It feels unfair to almost everyone. No one, not God or anyone else, ever promised that life would be fair, and no doubt, your idea of fair is different from my idea of fair. Americans by and large are among the most privileged people in the history of civilization, even those of us who are struggling and living in poverty by American standards. There are so many concepts and ideals that we as Americans take for granted that are largely myths. "All men are created equal." "If you work hard and keep your nose clean, you will succeed." Those and other American myths don't take into account racism, classism, and a whole lot of other -isms including alcoholism, sexism, narcissism, consumerism and drug addiction.

I suppose you could say that today, I am writing just to lament, because I don't have any bright ideas about overarching solutions. I'm watching the congressional budget scenario play out with disgust and disappointment. I have some ideas, and I'm working in my little corner of the field. Prayer certainly is warranted, and so is meditation to bring peace to individual hearts and minds. Ultimately, regardless of overarching, dramatic, big proposed solutions, we are, each of us, called to nurture the flame of hope, to be kind to those with whom we come into contact, to make a difference in the lives of those we love and hold dear, to do no harm to the earth or its inhabitants, and to make some sacrifices for the younger generations who come after us. It has been ever so. We just forgot.

Let the River Flow

2011-07-30T10:07:00.000-06:00

One of my favorite spiritual teachers, Pema Chödrön, writes about paying attention to the mundane and learning through patient indwelling with the everyday to honor it. Needless to say, I have a long ways to go before I can claim that wisdom as my own.

In many ways, when I think back to my earlier years, I can remember a time when I was much more present everyday than I have been for many years. As I reflect, I occasionally wonder if that memory is the truth or if I have romanticized who I used to be.

One major difference between then and now is that I was less busy with outside demands on my time. I went to school or I went to work, and then I came home to activities of my choosing, and I didn't have the many activities built on relationships and obligations that I have had for the last 30+ years. Being in a marriage, having children, relating to employees for whom you're responsible will do that to you. You get sucked in, absorbed, entwined.

I'm not saying that being involved with others and in their lives doesn't have its immense rewards and joys. It does. It is, in fact, a privilege to be invited in and to be allowed to share in others' walks, celebrations and dramas. It adds to the depth of experience and character that some of us take the opportunity to notice, reflect upon and build. Likewise, it can add stress and overwhelm and cause anxiety, resentment or even breakdowns. And, in either case, it takes time, a whole lot of time.

I'm in the second and final term of serving on The Episcopal Diocese of Colorado's Standing Committee, and after General Convention next July, I will enter the second triennium of my six-year term on the church's Executive Council. I'm also serving my second term as a member of Colorado's General Convention deputation. I've been thinking about my church service as a leader and thinking about topics like retirement, term limits and raising up the next generation of leaders.

It's clear to me that intentionality in everything we do is very important and that busy people who are in the midst of doing important things seemingly all the time sometimes lose sight of their intentionality. I fear that more, I think, than I fear anything else. Other words used to describe this might be losing sight of our mission or purpose, or forgetting why we got involved in the first place.

I believe that there is a call for observing self-imposed limits that many leaders in all bastions of leadership have forgotten or maybe never recognized or understood. When leaders egregiously lead poorly or vilely, their followers will take them down through complaints, protests, voting them out or overthrowing them with revolution. But most leaders are of the garden variety who are neither superstars nor villains as leaders, and most, if I may generalize, have left their humility and sense of self-limits somewhere in the past, foundering and misplaced in their early days.

My intent is to carve out more time in my weeks for quiet contemplation and Zen meditation. I know that I need to get back in touch with the mundane so that I can experience again the profound beauty and connectedness of nature and the interstices of the web that weaves the people of today and the generations before and after today together. When I stretch out my consciousness, I want to touch the stream of life that flows in every direction and take the time to follow some of those flows to places that are new to me and to grow into and as a result of experiencing those rivers of consciousness.

Namaste.

Summer Unloading

2011-07-29T19:56:00.000-06:00

I've been away from this blog for a long while, mostly because I've been immersed in the research, writing and preparation necessary to do a credible job of conducting Anti-Racism Trainings and Train the Trainer workshops for the Episcopal Dioceses of Wyoming and Northern California in June and July. The actual work "performance" only lasted two days in each place, but the participants definitely got the best that I could offer in terms of research, reflection and prayerful preparation. And my training partner and I worked with a new training colleague in Wyoming, which meant some extra time spent reading that newcomer in.

Everyone has her or his own process for getting work of this type done. My process is one of immersion, where I eat, sleep and breathe readings, videos and conversations about racism, racial justice, teaching and facilitation techniques. I've worked this way pretty much my entire life, including the thirty some years I worked in the corporate financial world. When I was putting together a new bank department or launching a new banking product, I lived a pretty workaholic existence. Thank God that my husband and my daughter were independent and resilient, because sometimes I just wasn't very present at home.

At the beginning of July, our family and household also underwent a major change. My brother, Jon, sold his long-time home in Newport Beach, California, and moved in with us - Herb, mom, me and the cat. Jon has been unemployed for four-and-a-half years, and we invited him to come live with us. It just seemed like he could use the support of family nearby, and Mom was ready to have more than just me in her everyday life. Happily, the transition has been a smooth one, with everyone adapting quite nicely to a new person in the household. We are blessed with enough space for everyone to have a room of their own, and all of our waking and resting hours, and eating and TV habits are compatible.

Jon showed up on Saturday, July 9th, in a 24-foot Penske rental truck, and he and our handyman-friend, Steel, unloaded the truck from Sunday through Tuesday. Unloading the truck sounds simple until you factor in the need to rearrange our three-car garage full of boxes that we moved in with 11 years ago and haven't unpacked to this day. Plus our cousin Cal sent furniture in the truck for his son, who's attending the University of Colorado at Boulder, to furnish his room in the house he'll be sharing with his buddies this academic year. The rental truck got returned after hours on Tuesday night, and I got to ride in it, hanging on for dear life as Jon maneuvered it around our two-lane back roads to Loveland, 30 miles north.

Jon's move-in has had the beneficial effect of forcing Herb and me (mostly me - I'm the pack rat in the family) to sort, recycle, give away and pitch countless amounts of "stuff." The biggest challenge, surprisingly, has not been being ruthless about what to give away and pitch. I've actually been able to let go of "love me" mementos and tchotchkes relatively easily, and I was long overdue to let go of clothing that no longer fits any of us. Plus, who really needs so many duplicates of staples like teeshirts and turtlenecks? We're determined not to keep paper files anymore, and I promise to resist bringing any new brochures into the house. A high speed, high volume scanner is on order.

The surprising challenge in all the sorting and pitching has been finding enough space in the recycle and trash bins to get rid of everything as quickly as we would like to. We'd rent a roll-away trash bin if we thought we'd be able to fill it quickly enough, but we're slow and deliberate in the sorting and pitching. We've also been interrupted by good things like the stray consulting assignment - to read and evaluate a set of technical documents here and there - that have taken our attention for a day or two at a time. I can't begin to describe how light and good it feels to unload all the little albatrosses that have bogged us down for so many years. It's clear to us that our children aren't going to want most of the stuff we've hung on to.

So, we are going to continue cleaning and clearing away clutter and accumulated stuff for the rest of our summer vacation and no doubt will count it among the best of all summers we've experienced. What about you?

The Parable of the Mustard Seed and Racial Justice

2011-07-28T20:55:00.000-06:00

This is a sermon that I preached at Trinity Cathedral on Sunday, July 24, 2011, following two days of conducting Anti-Racism Training and Train the Trainers hosted by the Diocese of Northern California's Commission on Intercultural Ministries. You may also watch a podcast of the sermon at http://bit.ly/nWYj5L.

* * * * * * * * * *

Thewords of the Gospel passages of this week and the last two weeks resound in myheart and mind. As Jesus said repeatedly in Matthew 13 when he sat in a boatand told parables to the crowd standing on the beach, “let anyone with earslisten!”

MeKe Aloha Pumehana. Aloha Kakou. Mahalo E Ke Akua No Keia La. Amen’e~ I greet you with the warmth of my love.May there be love between us. Thanks be to God for this day. Amen.

Weare fortunate, indeed, to be seated in this beautiful cathedral on this warmCalifornia summer day, basking in the delight of fellowship and shared worship.

Icome from the Diocese of Colorado where I serve on the Standing Committee. Ialso serve as the Province VI Lay Representative to Executive Council where Iam the team leader for the ongoing Racial Justice formation work Council isdoing among its own members. I also serve as an Anti-Racism Trainer in TheEpiscopal Church.

Ihave been richly blessed and truly humbled to have spent the past two days hereat Trinity Cathedral conducting an Anti-Racism Training for almost 70 of theleaders from four California dioceses hosted by your Diocese of NorthernCalifornia as well a Train the Trainers workshop for 8 of the members of yourCommission for Intercultural Ministry.

Iapplaud Trinity Cathedral and the Diocese of Northern California for yourexemplary commitment to hospitality, invitation and welcome, and the work you haveseriously undertaken of dismantling racism wherever you encounter it, and yourencouragement and advocacy of anti-racism training for your lay and clergyleaders as well as your generous sharing of that work with three of yourneighboring dioceses – California, El Camino Real and San Joaquin. Yourleadership is to be commended.

Iam passionate about doing the work of deconstructing racism, breaking racismdown through analysis, reflection and conversation, in order that we, thechurch and its members, can more fully live into what it means to be members ofthe Body of Christ together, and equal, mutually respected and mutuallyaccountable Beloved Children of God. Anti-Racism Training is very much aboutthe work of equipping the Beloved Community to do Gospel work, work that wecovenant to do when we are baptized into Christ’s holy Body, work that wereaffirm doing when we recovenant each time we worship in an Easter,Confirmation or Baptism service.

Todayand on the two Sundays prior to today, we have heard much of Chapter 13 in theGospel of Matthew in which Jesus tells many parables about sowers and seeds,and the kingdom of heaven and what it is like.

Theparables of sowers and seeds are a lot like the work of racial justice andreconciliation. In biblical days, one had to sow, to scatter seed and tend itsgrowth, in order to eat. Today, we go to the supermarket to buy what we eat,and most of us are greatly distanced from the work of obtaining our food fromthe actual fields where it is grown and harvested. It might be the case foryou, as Californians, living in a state where much of the produce of the U.S.is grown, that you are somewhat less distanced from the sources of your foodthan the rest of us.

Regrettably,we church members are also largely distanced from paying attention to and doingthe work to interrupt racial injustice – that’s what the word “anti-racism”means: to interrupt racism - wherever we encounter it, and showing our love forour neighbors whose skin color is different than our own in the way that Jesuscommanded us to do, when he gave us his new commandment in John 13:34-35: “Loveone another as I have loved you. By this everyone will know that you are mydisciples.” This is a higher calling to discipleship and accountability thanthat given in the summary of the law which we hear every Sunday in Rite I ofthe Holy Eucharist, “Love God with all your heart and soul and mind, and loveyour neighbor as yourself.”

Thereason that I am passionate about conducting Anti-Racism Trainings andempowering laity and clergy to interrupt and dismantle racism (and all theother “isms” such as sexism, ageism, ableism, heterosexism, nationalism, etc.)is because I believe that Jesus has called each of us personally through our baptisms to be his disciples and to bemutually accountable to one another as members of his Body. Among the fiveMarks of Mission recognized by the churches in the fellowship of the AnglicanCommunion is the one that says, “To seek to transform unjust structures of society.”

Unjuststructures of society include all the instances of institutional racism foundin these United States where predatory lending in lower economic neighborhoodshas caused losses of homes, scattering of families and loss of hope; whereracial profiling has subjected people of color, especially Blacks andHispanics, to excessive surveillance and unequal protection of the law; andwhere White flight to the suburbs, tax base erosion and standardized testing havecontributed to educational backwaters in inner cities and poor neighborhoods.

Perhapsyou have heard of Michelle Alexander and her book, The New Jim Crow, published earlier this year. In it, shelays out the story of “Mass Incarceration in the Age of Colorblindness”:

· Where there are more African Americansunder correctional control today – in prison or in jail, on probation or parole– than were enslaved in 1850, a decade before the Civil War began;

· Where the United States imprisons alarger percentage of its black population than South Africa did at the heightof apartheid; and

· Where, in Washington, D.C., three out offour young black men (and nearly all those in the poorest neighborhoods) canexpect to serve time in prison.

TheEpiscopal Church has been paying attention to racism and the work that isneeded, that is fundamental to our faith as followers of Jesus, to becomeeducated about racism and its cost to people of color and indigenous people aswell as to Whites, to become conversant with how to interrupt racism wheneverand wherever we encounter it, to strive for justice and peace among all people,and to respect the dignity of every human being.

TheHouse of Bishops, in Pastoral Letters of March, 1994, and March 2006, and arecent September, 2010, Pastoral Letter and Theology Resource on Migration andImmigration, has said that:

· Racism wounds the Body of Christ;

· We must name the sin of racism andrepent; and

· We are grounded in our Baptismal Covenant

Since1991, General Convention, the governing body of The Episcopal Church, whichwill gather again in 2012 in its triennial meeting in Indianapolis, hasrecognized the need for the church to address Institutional Racism, and since2000, General Convention has required Anti-Racism Training for Lay and OrdainedLeaders. That was a large part of the impetus for your Commission forIntercultural Ministry to host the Anti-Racism Training yesterday.

Youmay be interested to know that among General Convention’s resolutions are thoseasking the church through its dioceses to research, own and repent itscomplicity in the Trans-Atlantic slave trade, to extend its focus on racism toall ethnicities and nations of origin, and to study and report on Holy Ordersrecruitment and deployment of persons of color.

Theparable of the mustard seed is often explained as the story of how somethingvery tiny can grow up into something large and significant and good – a treethat becomes home to birds of the air. The importance of the parable is oftendescribed along the lines of “the little engine that could” or what Daniel G.Deffenbaugh, Associate Professor of Religion at Hastings College in Nebraska,calls “a kind of "camp song theology" – as in, "it only takes aspark to get a fire going."

Listencarefully to the passage of the parable again: ‘The kingdom of heaven is like a mustard seed that someone took andsowed in his field; it is the smallest of all the seeds, but when it has grown,it is the greatest of shrubs and becomes a tree, so that the birds of the aircome and make nests in its branches.’

Themustard herb is a plant that doesn’t require a lot of cultivation. It growsmuch like a weed does, taking hold and spreading wherever its seed is spread.That a Hebrew farmer in the days when Jesus walked and taught among the peoplewould do something like purposely sowing a seed that would quickly overtake hisother crops in the way that a weed can overtake a garden is significant. Whatdoes it mean? Is Jesus suggesting that planting weeds is like the kingdom ofheaven? And how is sowing the mustard seed like the work of racial justice, thework of being an anti-racist, one who interrupts racism?

Ithink that there actually is a great likeness between that tiny mustard seedand those of us who decide to respond to the call of doing the work ofinterrupting racism. We begin as small in number. We are tiny in comparison tothe racial injustice and systemic, institutional racism that pervades ourorganizations, including, yes, even The Episcopal Church.

Andyet, if we approach one another as members of the Beloved Community seeking toconverse with other members of the Beloved Community . . . if the holy in meseeks to greet and meet and engage in dialogue the holy in you . . . "Howwould conversation be different when it starts with belovedness?"

Oneof the important things that we learn in Anti-Racism Training, which isactually a small thing that has huge consequences, is that we must conversewith one another, even when the conversations are about hard subjects likeracism, asking the image of the beloved in each other, "what can thisimage of God teach you?" and “what can the image of God in you teach me?”We begin by listening, seeking to see the image of God in the other. Thatbegins as a very small thing, and yet, like the mustard seed, has the potentialto grow into a tree that is large enough to shelter the birds of the air.

AsPresiding Bishop Katharine Jefferts Schori has often pointed out, "Youneed to listen with the expectation that you will learn something." Myprayer for you and your diocese is that your work in conducting Anti-RacismTraining and raising awareness of the structures of racism and how to dismantleinstitutional racism will grow mightily, that from the small seed of beginningto do the work of interrupting racism, your work will grow into the large treeof friendship, community and love for your neighbors that is like the kingdomof heaven right here in Northern California. Amen.

ELCA Ecumenical Partner Report to TEC's Executive Council

2011-06-24T16:45:00.000-06:00

I am honored to serve as The Episcopal Church's ecumenical partner, elected by its Executive Council, to the Church Council of The Evangelical Lutheran Church in America (ELCA), and this is the report that I gave at the Executive Council meeting of June 15-17, 2011.

EVANGELICAL LUTHERAN CHURCH IN AMERICA(ELCA)

ECUMENICAL PARTNER REPORT

Respectfully submitted by Lelanda Lee

on June 18, 2011

Only highlights were given orally at theExecutive Council meeting

to avoid duplication of information sharedin discussion.

The link to the ELCA LIFT Report is athttp://bit.ly/cE6PUZ

· The ELCA Church Council meets twice a year,typically in April and November. The last meeting was in April.

· This year is a Churchwide Assembly year with themeeting scheduled in August in Orlando. In the past Churchwide Assembly hasbeen every two years, but there is a proposal for this year’s ChurchwideAssembly to approve becoming a triennial meeting, like our General Convention, after2013, in response to budget realities.

· When the Secretary, Carlos Pena, who presidesover the meetings, asked for a show of hands of who would be attending as avoting member of Churchwide Assembly, only one hand went up. That piqued mycuriosity, and I surveyed some members at lunch. What I learned bowled me over!The general response was that Council members had their opportunity to voicetheir opinions in Council and that being a voting member at Churchwide Assemblyallows others to voice their opinions.

· The ELCA has for the past year been engaged in areorganization following a year-and-a-half task force study called the LIFTReport – Living Into the Future Together. The study was shaped by twoquestions: What is God calling this church to be and to do in the future?What changes are in order to help us respond most faithfully? The taskforce intentionally titled its task “renewing the ecology.”

· That consultation involved a significant two-daymeeting last August, which I attended and to which other ecumenical partnersincluding the United Methodists and the Presbyterians were also invited. Thereorganization, or redesign as the Lutherans call it, was in response to arevisioning of the church that turns the organization upside-down, if you will,with more resources flowing to synods and congregations and fewer resourcesflowing to the churchwide organization. The revisioning has been about focusingin on mission and ministry and being and doing church most intentionally at thelocal, congregational expression of church.

· That has meant significant reductions in staffat the church center in Chicago, cutting deeper than we cut, and cutting intorepresentation also, with the painful elimination of the support given toadvocacy groups such as the ELCA women’s and ethnic representatives’ attendanceat Church Council meetings. The ELCA budget now reflects an increase in rental incomedue to the availability of whole floors of space open for leasing to others.The changes are visible to the casual visitor, who now is greeted by thereceptionist on the 11th floor instead of a receptionist for the whole buildingon the ground floor.

· The LIFT reportlooked at the trends of the times that dictate change in the churches, asidentified by PhyllisTickle in her book TheGreat Emergence and by others. You will recognize these, because we havetalked about them here in our own Council meetings:

· Declining participation in Christian churches;

· Growth in “no religious affiliation;”

· Becoming more “spiritual” and less “religious;”

· Influence of individualism on Christian identityand community life;

· Increasing social, cultural and religiousdiversity in the U.S.;

· Growing influence of Hispanic/Latino religiousfaith;

· Identifying a new stage of life: “EmergingAdulthood;”

· The rise of a distinctive post-boomer faith andspirituality;

· Changing structures and patterns of family lifein the United States;

· Rediscovering the impact of parents and familieson faith practice;

· Living in a digital world;

· Educating in new ways; and

· Increasing numbers of adults 65 and older.

· The LIFTtask force also pointed to specific strengths within the ecology of the ELCA:

· The ELCA’shistory and practice equip it to offer its distinctive gifts to the world.

· Thevarious interrelated constituencies within this church possess a tradition ofactive and effective worship and service.

· Thetradition shows itself in an active posture that seeks to proclaim the good newsof Jesus Christ in all its rich dimensions.

· Thechurch’s service agencies reach one in fifty-five American households annually.

· Partnershipactivities have produced a reputation for leadership in ecumenism andinter-faith dialogue.

· The ELCAseeks to be a public church as it speaks to the issues of its day whileremaining faithful to its confessional heritage.

· I think it is noteworthy that the ELCA has beenself-reflective, methodical and honest in its assessment of where it findsitself as a church in 2011, recognizing:

· Thedeclining membership in the ELCA and lower attendance at worship.

· The ethnicdiversity of the United States population is not reflected adequately in thischurch.

· Membershipis aging.

· Whileindividual contributions increase, overall financial giving is lower in bothdesignated and undesignated contributions. As a result, there is decreasedsupport for regional and national expressions of the church.

· The mostrecent national and global recession also is reflected in church finances.

· The LIFTproject is not a process peculiar to the ELCA. Nearly every mainline church(including the African Methodist Episcopal Church, Christian Church [Disciplesof Christ], Seventh-day Adventist, Southern Baptist Convention, The UnitedMethodist Church) in the United States has been or is examining what changesare necessary as they confront a radically changing environment. In addition,many religious groups formerly seen as prospering in the current environmentalso are finding that circumstances are leading them to reexamine theirinstitutions.

· The LIFTreport findings and recommendations will be brought to the ELCA’s churchwideassembly in August for action by the wider church.

· The proposed recommended SocialStatement on Genetics was approved to be sent on to the churchwide assemblyfor consideration and adoption. It is a process that has taken nearly tenyears. In response to the Draft of 2010 alone, the task force received feedbackat 48 synodical hearings as well as from hundreds of written responses orreflections from across the country. Several members of the task forceindividually read each written communication. They sought to hear the concernsbehind different and, sometimes, contrasting opinions so that they could revisethe draft into the strongest and clearest possible proposed social statement.That process is not unlike what we have sought to do in our own context withour D020 task force asking for feedback on the proposed Anglican Covenant.

· The ELCA has entered into a JointMission Statement of the ELCA and African Methodist Episcopal Zion. ThisJoint Mission Statement is an example of things rising up from the grassroots.It was through a friendship and pulpit exchange at a local Lutheran and a localAMEZ church that the impetus for such a relationship originated. This wasbrought to the attention of the Presiding Bishop and the Church Center, andfollow-up led to this historic agreement.

· As Pastor Kathryn Tiede reported, I have beeninvited by the ELCA Church Council’s Anti-Racism Team as well as by their newlyhired Anti-Racism Officer Judith Barlow-Roberts to participate in providingAnti-Racism training at their November Church Council meeting. It is our hopethat we will be able to collaborate in other ways to do anti-racism work togetheras two churches in mission partnership.

· It is ironic that I borrowed the ProcessObservation form from the ELCA, that our Anti-Racism Team placed more words andprocess around the use of the form, and now I am invited to bring it back toELCA. This is an example of how ecumenical sharing can happen and not only atthe Presiding Bishops’ level, but also at the level of church people workingtogether wherever they find themselves. This represents a real richness inrelationship, and you could see how excited Kathryn Tiede is about therelationship and its possibilities.

Response from an Executive Council Member

2011-06-21T13:27:00.001-06:00

RESPONSE TO THECONTROVERSY OVER TO RELEASE OR NOT TO RELEASE THE CONSTITUTION AND CANONSREPORT ON THE PROPOSED ANGLICAN COVENANT AND REFLECTIONS ON OPENNESS AND ACCESSTO EXECUTIVE COUNCIL

I have not remained purposefully silent through the publicdebate that has ensued since the Executive Council’s Chair for its StandingCommittee on World Mission, Rosalie Simmonds Ballentine, remarked in her reportto Council last Friday, June 17, 2011, that her committee would not – yet – release the report it requestedand received from the General Convention’s Standing Commission on Constitutionand Canons on the proposed Anglican Covenant.

I did not return home until 2:00 AM Saturday morning afterthe close of the 3-day Executive Council meeting on Friday afternoon and havebeen engaged over the weekend in supporting my husband’s self-employedconsulting, from which we derive our family’s livelihood. I now have the timeto write a response, which I feel called to do, because I do take seriously thehonor, privilege and responsibility given to me when I was elected to serve asthe lay representative to Executive Council from Province VI. Whether or notanyone agrees with me is of minor import compared to the right of the membersof the church to have access to its elected leaders and their thinking.

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The Constitution and Canons report on the proposed AnglicanCovenant was dated February 15, 2011, and posted to the Executive Council’sExtranet (online community) that evening. The Executive Council meeting washeld on February 16 through 18 in Fort Worth. The Standing Committee on WorldMission did – not – report on theproposed Anglican Covenant or any reports associated with it in plenary sessionat that Executive Council meeting.

(Much of the work of Executive Council and certainly most ofthe detailed discussion about that work takes place within the five standingcommittees of Council, which meet simultaneously during allotted committeetime, which has recently been running about 50% of the time allotted for theentire 3-day Council meetings. Budget considerations after General Convention2009 have necessitated a reduction from 4-day to 3-day Council meetings. Occasionallytwo or more of the standing committees may meet jointly over a specific topicfor a specified time period.)

An excerpt from the approved Minutes of the StandingCommittee on World Mission for the February 16 through 18, 2011, meetingreveals:

“D020 TF [T]here isnothing to report because responses are not due until Easter but the Standing Commissionon Constitution and Canons has sent a report on how adopting the covenant will affectthe constitution and canons. There has been conversation about whether theseresponses will be posted. All the committee was doing was creating frameworkfor EC’s response.”

It is my understanding as a Council member that the D020Task Force will be working throughout the summer to prepare a report forExecutive Council on the proposed Anglican Covenant, taking into account allthe feedback that it has requested and received from throughout The EpiscopalChurch. World Mission Chair Ballentine indicated that the Constitution andCanons report – would be appended –to the report to Executive Council and – releasedwith the final approved report.

Both the Constitution and Canons report and all the variousfeedback from the members of The Episcopal Church are – ingredients – that will contribute to that final approved reportfrom the D020 Task Force, but none of them are – in and of themselves – the report – nor do they stand alone without context. Thus, I do support ChairBallentine and the Standing Committee on World Mission in their judgment andprocess for carrying out their oversight of the D020 Task Force’s work inmoving towards producing a final report for Executive Council’s considerationat its October 21 through 24, 2011, meeting in Salt Lake City. The StandingCommittee on World Mission does have a plan to release the Constitution andCanons report as part of the final approved D020 Task Force report.

As a reminder, here is the then-current timeline forresponse from The Episcopal Church to the proposed Anglican Covenant, as citedin the D020 Task Force June 2010Study Guide:

• June 2010: astudy guide with questions will go out to deputations and dioceses for use withthe goal of receiving responses back from them by Easter 2011 (24 April)

• October 2010: thetask force will remind deputations of engaging with the study questions and theEaster deadline

• 24 April 2011:deputations return their responses to the D020 Task Force

• June 2011: thetask force submits a draft report with accompanying resolutions to ExecutiveCouncil for input

• October 2011: thetask force submits a final draft with resolutions to Executive Council foracceptance

• December 2011:the task force submits its report for inclusion in the Blue Book.”

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The issue of openness to and access of the entire EpiscopalChurch with regard to Executive Council is one that is taken seriously bymembers of Council. In the current environment of reduced resources andheightened anxiety about the future of our beloved church, I have observedrepeatedly at instances of private conversation or executive session some oneor two of our members raising her or his hand to question the chair as to thenecessity of being in private conversation or executive session. Councilmembers do share and raise concerns about openness and access.

The reasons for private conversation and executive sessionhave been legitimate ones: discussions of personnel issues, lawsuits andpotential lawsuits, and potential for physical harm to members of the church.No actions, i.e., votes, are taken in private conversation or executivesession.

It is my personal observation that 3-day meetings to do thework set before Executive Council three times a year produce “killer” meetingswhich do not allow adequate time to read, reflect, discuss, pray, discern anddigest our work. I am, however, not advocating for a return to 4-day meetings,because our budget concerns are real, and there are adjustments that can bemade in how we approach our work. Council members make many personal sacrificesto serve on Council, and I do not find the sacrifices associated with a 3-daymeeting unreasonable.

At the Council meeting of last week, there was no dinneraway with the local diocese and only three reports from non-members of Council,because Council had previously requested more written and fewer in-personreports, whenever appropriate, to effect better use of limited time. Thisresulted in no whole-Council evening meetings and allowed for a fewsub-committees to utilize that evening time for their work.

The newly adopted Rules of Order appended to the newlyadopted revised Bylaws of Executive Council now require all reports and otherwritten materials to be reviewed as part of the work of the next Councilmeeting to be submitted to the Secretariat 30 days prior to that meeting tofacilitate translation. That 30-day period will allow all Council members theopportunity to read, reflect and ask questions about those reports and writtenmaterials in advance of each Council meeting, making Council members moreuniformly prepared by the time we meet in person.

A piece of wisdom generated by staff, specifically the Rev.Margaret Rose, “Assume positive intent,” is slowly working its way into thepsyche of Council and staff, as we live into our interdependence. Council andstaff are comprised of very dedicated, conscientious, gifted, caring,strong-willed and unique individuals who are also profoundly human in all ofour quirks and foibles. So, too, are all the members of The Episcopal Churchwho observe and participate in our life together as leaders, staff and members.Thus, I want to point out that I do not find personal attacks on the character,ethics or work ethos of Council members to be an appropriate addition to thesacrifices that Council members willingly and gladly make to serve on Council.Likewise, I do not experience any Council member bearing any attitude ofsuperiority to the members of The Episcopal Church whatsoever.

It is not easy to work and live in a fishbowl, and that isand always has been the life of elected leaders and staff in this and everyother organization. One large difference in the life of the church is that eachand every one of us is intrinsically bound to our church in ways that transcendour reason and our emotions because of our call to be members of the Body ofChrist and our love of our Lord and His Earthly Spouse, the Church.

We are not easy on each other, because we care deeply. Butperhaps we could stop when we reach the brink of blaming, name calling andshaming.

We work hard, but sometimes not hard enough by either ourown or others’ standards. And perhaps those are the times when we need to relyon prayer for the realities and sensibilities of others and to ask forpatience, peace and understanding that follows the example of the Peace of Godthat we exchange with one another in every Eucharistic celebration.

When we each speak our own truth, I truly believe that theact of that speaking does have the ability to lift up the entire Body and callus to our better selves, to do better, to speak better, to be better. Wouldthat our speaking of our truths also be spoken in such loving kindness that thewords and the truths soothe our souls, enlarge our energy and capacities, andcause the love within us for each other to blossom forth to overflowing.

I believe that I speak for my fellow Council members when Isay that we do welcome the thoughts of the members of The Episcopal Church,because we learn and grow from what each of us brings to the table and we arepropelled to do better.

God’s Peace to each of us,

Lelanda Lee

Member, Executive Council,

Lay Representative from Province VI,

and Lay Deputy, Diocese of Colorado

(cross-posted to the HoB/D - House of Bishops/Deputies - list)

Money and Jobs

2011-05-14T11:44:00.001-06:00

Herb and I were talking yesterday about how we have never been motivated by money in our long working lives. We have never chosen a job or worked zealously, because we wanted solely to earn more money. More money was always welcome, because there were a lot of bills to pay along the way.

We also liked being able to incorporate others into our "hanai" family of choice and of the heart, and money was often handy to help others over a hump. (A "hanai" family is a Hawaiian concept of an extended family that you choose, not limited to blood relations.) However, choosing a job or developing our skills and knowledge never had anything to do with seeking more money.

Since we are both very good strategists and negotiators, we did negotiate knowledgeably and strenuously for a good compensation package once we became interested in a job. We took into account amenities as well as dollars in compensation packages. Sometimes it's flexibility in hours or access to education and professional development that trumps a higher salary.

Herb always said, "Money (in the form of a salary) doesn't make you happy. Depending on how much you feel you're underpaid (and everyone feels underpaid), it just makes you less unhappy."

I love this story my brother, Jon, tells about our late brother, Chris, who once told a prospective employer, "Pay me the $15 an hour I'm worth and that you were going to pay me after I pass probation in 90 days instead of starting me at $10 an hour. Don't wait to see if you like my job performance to increase my pay. If you don't like it, fire me at any time." Christ was a confident risk taker, logical and persuasive, and he got the higher hourly rate.

Herb's and my interest has always been in the work itself. We like a challenge, and we like working with stimulating people. Our rules for deciding on whether or not to take a new job or a promotion are pretty straightforward:

Am I interested in the work itself? Will I learn new things and have new experiences?
Do I believe in the mission? Can I support it?
Do I feel I can make a contribution? Will the job and workplace structure allow me to be successful?
Do I respect the people I'll be working with? Are they honest and trustworthy?

Asking and answering each of these two-part questions honestly will go a long way towards enhancing future job satisfaction. Each question has a component that focuses on what the job and employer will offer and what you can contribute to making the job satisfying for yourself. Both you and the job and employer can make or break a job, and it's important to look honestly and objectively at the fit between you and the job. Money often clouds judgment in deciding whether or not to take a job.

One of the strengths of our marriage has been total support for the other partner's inclinations and decisions about jobs. I still remember a movie (I think it was Parenthood, 1989) starring Steve Martin and Mary Steenburgen in which he quits his job, and she forces him to go and beg for his job back, because another baby is on the way. I despised that dynamic between that movie wife and husband so much. I think that movie wife disrespected the personhood of her husband in asking him to subjugate himself in a demeaning employment relationship with his boss and company.

Herb and I have always agreed that we could scale back to the one-bedroom apartment we started out with, if circumstances required us to do so, rather than to make either one of us go to work everyday feeling like we were walking into a soul-sucking job. Our family's philosophy has been that there are resources and sacrifices in every family's life, and every family member shares in both the joys and the tribulations.

Leaving a job is something that many people do poorly, and I have some insights about that, too. But I'll save them for a future post.

Desperately Seeking Asian American Identity

2011-05-10T17:43:00.003-06:00

There are some topics that I really would prefer not to comment on. It just hurts, you know? It cuts too close to the core. But the Asian American online community has jumped in, both feet thudding loudly, to praise and decry Wesley Yang's "Paper Tiger" cover story, all eleven online pages of it, in New York Magazine. The tag line for the Paper Tiger story is "What happens to all the Asian-American overachievers when the test-taking ends?" which is not reflective of Yang's entire article that might be better titled "Desperately Seeking Asian American Identity."

My friend, Edward Hong, has weighed in at 8Asians (a collaborative blog of Asian Americans and Asian Canadians on all topics Asian) with some good insights, including an excellent Edward-to-Wesley commentary, "several things I want to say to Yang."

So, here I am, weighing in, too, at last. Thanks to my brother, Jon, for sending me the link to Yang's article yesterday. I did not anticipate reading Yang's article all the way through, but I did, and I found it stimulating at several levels.

I am sorry and embarrassed as an Asian American woman and mother that Yang feels such self-loathing about being an Asian American guy with an Asian face. He has obviously internalized the meme that White faces are the norm and thus, better. I am sorry and embarrassed that Yang so thoroughly hates his Asian heritage that he says "Let me summarize my feelings toward Asian values: Fuck filial piety. Fuck grade-grubbing. Fuck Ivy League mania. Fuck deference to authority. Fuck humility and hard work. Fuck harmonious relations. Fuck sacrificing for the future. Fuck earnest, striving middle-class servility."

Really? All of it? None of it is redeemable in his eyes? I'm probably 20-25 years Yang's senior; so, I will stipulate to there being cultural differences in the way we've each processed growing up Asian American in these United States. Generational differences are significant.

I do speak the language of my forebears, Cantonese, although I do not read or write it. I have parsed the Asian values and leavened them with American (Western) ones. I don't subscribe to the cultural norms of patriarchy or matriarchy, each evident in different expressions of family and society among the Chinese. I honor my mother and my father, but it's because they're worthy of being honored, not because it's expected or required of me.

I walked away from some of the educational and achievement expectations of my parents, because I believed that I had the right to exercise choices, even though I knew that my parents only wanted what they believed to be the best opportunities for me. My choices eventually made some parts of my life tougher than they had to be, but I don't regret any of those choices, including the dumb ones. My experiences have all contributed to making me who I am today, and I'm glad to be me in 2011, doing what I do, thinking what I think, loving whom I love.

I found Yang's comments about balance between academic monomania and social development to be spot on. I know that maintaining a balance between the two is supremely important from both my own experience - mostly a non-existent social life during my school years due to overly protective parenting - and my daughter's experience - a constant tension between encouragement to live up to her potential and support of a life outside of school that included competitive fencing and friends.

To be fair, let me report that my 25-year old daughter has said that she felt like I exerted a lot of pressure on her to succeed academically, which leads me to wonder if this kind of expectation and pressure from parents is reflective of more than just an ethnic value, that it is maybe merely reflective of a parental value of wanting something more and better for our offspring. Let me also report that despite the emphasis on grades and education by my parents, I turned my back on scholarships and a linear path, choosing what I characterized as life and experience. It was harder; I was smart, determined, ambitious and aggressive; and I found my way, but I wouldn't necessarily recommend my path to everyone.

Yang's observations about what he calls the "bamboo ceiling" do reveal a reality that many Asian Americans face through no fault of their own. There are many ways in which different personalities show up in the workplace that have nothing to do with race, national origin or ethnicity. It is a truism that managers seek out people who are like them, who make them comfortable, to whom they can relate without exerting themselves, and whom they surround themselves with and groom for promotion.

The kinds of courses that LEAP - Leadership Education for Asian Pacifics, Inc., the organization mentioned in Yang's article to combat the bamboo ceiling, - offers to help Asian Americans learn assertiveness, self-promotion, non-verbal communications, etc. were called management training workshops in the '70s and '80s and used to be directed at women and others who had not had the advantages of college educations or mentorship by senior managers.

The portion of Yang's article on Asian American men seeking to date White women and Yang's own admission that he, a Korean man, has never dated a Korean woman, makes me sad. In my dating years, I dated men from all races, ethnicities and ableness; being conscious, thinking for himself and having a wide range of interests were the qualifiers for me.

Yang wrote about a dating coaching business directed at Asian Americans that I actually checked out: the ABCs of Attraction Web site. I watched a video of the Asian Playboy or APB as ABCs of Attraction owner and chief guru J.T. Tran calls himself. Tran is a twenty-something Asian American who seems personable enough, who has put together a dynamic Web site with slick seminars, videos and other products for helping Asian American men get theirs. Why shouldn’t Asian Americans succeed in all the arenas open to Whites, including something as sleezy as the ABCs, which is promoted with blondes and boobs, and where men can plunk down $1,450 to learn how to smile, make eye contact and come on to women.

Yang does say late in the article, "I finished school alienated both from Asian culture (which, in my hometown, was barely visible) and the manners and mores of my white peers. . . I wanted to be an individual. I had refused both cultures as an act of self-assertion." Yang wants the same thing today that I wanted over four decades ago as a young Asian American woman starting out in the world: to be an individual. What I said then, and I still say now, is "This is what Chinese American looks like, on me," because the not fitting in and not being recognized as "one of us" also comes from the Asian culture ("she's not Chinese enough"), but that's the topic of another blog.

Wesley Yang is a provocative writer and someone who also has a lot of internal conflicts despite his protestations to the contrary. I'm glad that he got to write a New York Magazine cover story, and I hope that it will garner him lots of new and lucrative opportunities. I also hope that the reading public will have the good sense to figure out that Wesley Yang is just one voice among many voices and that he no more represents all Asian Americans than I do.

Who's being disrespectful?

2011-05-06T12:59:00.000-06:00

I'm wondering - Is a young woman dressed in short shorts and a low-cut, tight tank top in the same category as a young man dressed in over-sized baggy jeans that hang below his hips and show his butt crack?

What I'm asking is this: are young women and young men who dress this way being disrespectful?

Does the context in which they wear these clothes contribute to the determination of whether or not they're being disrespectful?

Of whom are they being disrespectful?

And who gets to decide?

I ask these questions, because a friend whom I greatly respect and admire just blogged about "sluts" and the taking-back of that term, which has been used as a pejorative aimed at women who have been raped and judged to have been attired in "slutty," "sexually-provocative" clothing. My friend says that she finds such a "state of half-undress" to be disrespectful of the women themselves - and of others.

True confession: I used to dress like that, in a state of half-undress. My weekend attire in Berkeley, California, and in Honolulu, Hawaii, in the '70s into the '80s (ages 21 to 35) was a bikini top and short shorts as I tooled around on my 10-speed bicycle. In the early '70s, I even wore a dress that was made of yard-squares (front and back of the dress) of bright yellow and black plaid small-wale corduroy that barely covered my butt with pantyhose and spiky high heels to work in the financial district of San Francisco where I was employed as the executive assistant to the president and CEO of an international insurance brokerage firm.

My choice of dress back then was based on several factors and attitudes. I was young and attractive with a good figure. My 20-something hormones and desire to attract males were raging. I thought I looked good in the clothes that I wore. They were comfortable choices for a sun worshiper. And, the culture at the time, in which I lived and worked, allowed my choices of attire, even if the majority of the culture did not endorse my choices.

As the years have progressed and I've gained weight, rotundness and gray hair, I've made changes in my choices of attire. If I were still svelte and comely, I probably would still wear bikini tops and short shorts on occasion and think nothing of it. Even today, my clothing tastes tend to run to tie-dye and dramatic, over-the-top accessories, although I also favor simplicity and comfort for everyday dress. I'm with Dolly Parton in her philosophy that she's not going to limit herself just because people won't accept the fact that she can do (or be or appear to be) something else.

Now, let me be clear: it was never my desire or intention to invite rape or sexual assault. I was and am a feminist, and it has always been clear to me that No means No and men are responsible for controlling their sexual, anger and aggression behavior.

When I look at the clothing choices of some people - and let's not limit it to young people, because middle-aged folks in clothing that is too tight or age-inappropriate also contribute to this discussion of attire and respect - I am not so much feeling disrespected as I am feeling offended. Disrespect is an attitude broadcast by someone else on or towards me. Feeling offended is about my own sensibilities and my emotional and philosophical, perhaps even moral, response to the stimuli - the person in such-and-such clothing - in front of me.

As much as I am offended by the sight of young men (and women) in jeans worn so low that their butt cracks are staring at me, I must not assume that they are wearing those jeans with the intent and for the purpose of offending me. In many cases, I suspect it may be nothing more profound or thoughtful than simply wearing the uniform of the crowd in which they hang and by whom they are judged on a daily basis.

So, I keep my opinions to myself about how other people dress and figure that young people, especially, don't need my judgmentalism raining on their parade of fashion for fun and fitting in. It is tough enough claiming your own identity and path in the world without hearing the questioning or disparaging remarks of others about something as inconsequential as your clothing choices.

Rome Vacation, The Pantheon

2011-05-04T23:40:00.000-06:00

On our last day, a Saturday, in Rome, we visited the Pantheon after having spent the afternoon in nearby Piazza Navona. The history and architecture of the Pantheon are unique and well worth taking a few minutes to read about at the Wikipedia link at http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pantheon,_Rome.

Originally built as a temple to all the Roman gods, the Pantheon has been in continuous use since it was first built in 126 CE. Today it is used as a Roman Catholic Church known as St. Mary's and the Martyrs. When Herb and I were there, as it approached 5:00 PM, the staff were getting ready for a mass and beginning to turn people away for the day.

Lee in front of the Pantheon

When we first arrived, we found an almost carnival-like atmosphere all around the Pantheon. In addition to many tourists in front of as well as flooding the side streets leading to the Pantheon, there were also costumed buskers, dressed like Roman centurions and noble ladies of Ancient Rome, posing for photographs with tourists for a fee. There were signs as we entered asking for silence and no photography in this sacred worship space, but no one paid attention to the signs. The noise level was as loud as in a circus tent, and everyone, including me, was taking photos. After all, this is one of the best preserved Roman buildings to be found anywhere.


This photo gives a better sense of the scale of the Pantheon.

The crowd as we entered the Pantheon

The concrete dome of the Pantheon is the world's largest unreinforced concrete dome, and there are brick relieving arches which can be seen on the exterior of the rotunda walls [seen faintly in the second photo below]. The oculus in the center of the dome provides light and ventilation.

The oculus in the dome & door are the only sources of light

Brick relieving arches on the rotunda exterior

The interior where it joins the concrete dome structure

Herb taking a photo amidst the crowd

One of the altars inside the Pantheon

The altar used for masses. The pews were the only seating.

Looking through the portico columns as we exited

The rotunda is huge, large enough to fit a sphere with a 142-foot diameter. If you'd like to view all 53 photos of the Pantheon, go to my Mobile Me Gallery at http://gallery.me.com/lelandalee#100582.

Mother's Day Your Way

2011-05-04T14:13:00.002-06:00

This post is dedicated with love and affection to R, J, J and others who know who they are. I'm sorry that your mothers have not provided you with the best of memories. I hope that you will look to the future with hope, knowing that you get to create your own future history even as your past history was thrust upon you.

As we approach this Sunday's celebration of Mother's Day, I am reminded that not everyone has a Hallmark Greeting Card's version of Mom or fond memories of life with the one who was mother. Even for those of us with good memories of childhood and motherly care, our relationships with our mothers are complex and multidimensional.

My mother is 82 and has lived with us since 2000 when we moved from Amarillo to Boulder County. We had actually invited Mom and Dad to live with us all the way back in 1985, when our daughter was born, in Honolulu. We wanted an easier life for Mom and Dad, and we wanted our daughter to have a relationship with her grandparents. As it turned out, Dad died in 1988, and Mom moved to San Diego in 1994, after my youngest brother died, to be grandmother on site with his then 5-year old son. Mom proved to be a real blessing in my nephew's life and a support for my widowed sister-in-law. Mom has a servant's heart when it comes to doing for her family.

Shortly after we all began to live together here in Colorado, I got terribly sick with chronic hives. I was tested for allergies, lupus, and all sorts of other possible medical conditions, and we never did figure out the hives' origins. It was only when I left for my first ever, alone vacation six months after moving in together that I figured out the problem.

Mom and I were locked into a passive-aggressive fight over control of the kitchen. We never confronted one another about the issue, but we each rearranged the pots and pans, dishes and pantry items as soon as the other left the kitchen. My hives went away when I realized, while sitting in a hotel room alone in Vancouver, that I wasn't going to win this battle, and I reluctantly came to the conclusion that I had to cede ownership of the kitchen in order for there to be peace and harmony within our family. It was the right decision to make, even though I still bristle at it from time to time. When I am able to talk about the kitchen stories with perspective, they're actually quite hilarious and would make a great sitcom premise.

If the only serious issue between Mom and me were the kitchen, it really wouldn't be much fodder for blogging or generate undercurrents of resentment and anger. The really sticky situation is the one of my being supplanted by my mother for my grandsons' relationship with a grandmotherly icon. When my two grandsons, now almost 10 and 12, were born, Mom muscled her way into the grandmother's role without, so far as I have been able to discern, a thought as to how I might be feeling about what was happening.

I say that about my mother not to be particularly judgmental, but to say with honesty that this lack of self-reflection is both her strength and her flaw. I don't think my mother could have withstood all the trials she has had as a refugee, immigrant, arranged marriage bride in a foreign country without the psychological cover offered by her brand of tough-mindedness.

I remember resorting to the same brand of tough-minded narcissism when I was in a bad first marriage that was sending me over the edge towards suicide. Sometimes that's what mothers do to save themselves so that they will still be around to serve and save their families. Judgment in such cases is so wrong, because it lacks compassion for and understanding of how circumscribed some women's lives can become.

For our daughter, my mother's presence in the household was a gift during her high school years. There was a nurturing female presence to cuddle and spoil our daughter when I was called repeatedly into the role of authority figure and disciplinarian. Meanwhile, my husband was consulting on a schedule of two weeks away and one weekend at home for almost ten years. Mom blessed us with a lot of housekeeping help even when it wasn't done the way that I would have preferred. In terms of living together, I have been a filial Chinese daughter, and my husband has enjoyed the blessings of a mother-in-law who thinks he's king.

Both women and men around my age, 62, are very much the spread inside the sandwich, squeezed by parents who are living longer and children who are maturing slower than in prior generations. On good days, we are grateful for what we have, including our relationships with our parents and children, despite the sacrifices that we have made and continue to make. On bad days, we wonder when it will be our turn, when we won't be caring for both the older generation and the younger one. The key to living successfully, happily, is to enjoy the moments as they occur and not to wait for what you imagine will be the more successful, more happy times that may or may not come to you in this lifetime. Live now, be happy now, make memories now.

In 1870 Julia Ward Howe wrote a proclamation for a Mother's Day as a pacifist cry for women, who shape the new generations of their nations, to stand in solidarity against the bloodiness of war and the unspeakable sacrifice of our youth on the killing fields of national arrogance and economic hubris. I could gladly and unreservedly celebrate such a Mother's Day and such a purpose.

The Mind of a Buddha

2011-05-03T20:24:00.000-06:00

There are some things - news, events - for which there simply aren't the right words. Like when your long-married girlfriend shares that she's filed for divorce . . . or your co-worker tells you he's been laid off right after he's returned from his dream vacation . . . or when you learn that your teenager's best friend has been sexually abused by a trusted adult . . . or, as we've experienced this past Sunday, when someone who's your country's and humanity's enemy is hunted down and killed in his home.

It's not just not having the right words. We also don't have the right emotions or the right thoughts. The emotions are a jumble of visceral reaction and pent-up feelings that burst out in surprising ways. The fact that in the case of the killing of Osama bin Laden the feelings are shared with an entire nation puts your own emotions and those of the people around you and in the country into a sort of centrifuge for which an external force is pushing the on-off button. Everyone's emotions get stirred up as each new factoid gets released and reported. There is altogether too much of a frenzy and smorgasbord of so-called news about the event and its aftermath, and it's confusing and exhausting.

There has been both jubilation at bin Laden's death as exemplified by the mostly students who gathered outside the White House to celebrate on Sunday night and sober reflection in the numerous blogs, articles, sermons and other writings from religious and spiritual leaders and some political pundits. My own reaction has been to maintain a thoughtful watchfulness, listening to what others are saying and not saying, and to refrain from jumping into the fray of speaking my mind.

Sometimes, things are better left unsaid, held in sacred contemplation between you and the divine. Sometimes, your words add nothing to illuminate or to help the situation. It's an exercise in humility to recognize that not everything you think or feel is worthy of being shared and to maintain your own peaceful silence. Sometimes, we are called to just be, in peaceful coexistence with everyone and everything else. Om mani padme hum.

E-Newsletter Overload

2011-04-29T22:46:00.000-06:00

I receive many diverse e-newsletters everyday. Some come everyday. Others come once a week. And still others come only when their organizations have something to say.

For me, it's not merely the volume of which I've become acutely aware. It's also the tone and content.

There's one category that's easy to identify and segregate, and that's the fundraiser appeals letter. Recent ones have gotten quite clever in asking the reader to make a difference for a mere $3 donation via PayPal, a quick and easy method of making a donation. Others ask for a monthly contribution, usually $10 or less, soliciting you to become a regular supporter or sponsor of a cause such as protecting the rights of "X" or finding the cure for "Y." Almost all the appeals harp on the economic realities faced by organizations and donors alike and tug at the reader's social conscience to be an upright do-gooder.

Another category of e-newsletters are the ones that purport to deliver up-to-date information about an organization and its cause or causes. Often there is good information that you might not get elsewhere, and it is, in fact, up-to-date, maybe even breaking or cutting-edge news. Too often, however, the information is neither up-to-date, cutting-edge nor accurate, which is the worst type of misinformation of all.

I find it egregious when really good, important organizations and causes become fodder for professional development directors who hype information/misinformation for the purpose of raising funds. I don't like to be hoodwinked, and I don't have time to sift through the volumes of e-newsletters to discern which are providing useful information and which are not. I don't need to be tricked into making a donation. Repetitive information under the guise of new headlines or rewritten content is right up there with misinformation as being content for which I just don't have tolerance anymore.

I have a heart. I have a brain. I really care about important issues. I like to give to support causes I believe are important and organizations that I believe are making a difference. I wish organizations with important agendas would remember all of that and treat me like they know that about me, in other words, treat me with respect.

Guard Well Your Thoughts

2011-04-28T16:16:00.000-06:00

For the last 24+ hours, there have been abundant postings on Facebook and elsewhere of sentiments like this one from The Onion, that edgy, satirical, pretend-news rag: Trump Unable To Produce Certificate Proving He's Not A Festering Pile Of Shit. Yep, that's all there is - just a photo of The Donald and this headline.

There's a part of me that wants to click on "Like" underneath these postings, because the sentiment resonates with me. Then there's another part of me that cautions: what I think can be as sinful as what I say and do.

What I know to be true, for me, is that minding my tongue is a good thing - that I am not my sister's or my brother's judge, and that my job is to see to my own reconciliation with God and with my neighbors. And it's not just my tongue that I must mind, it's also my thoughts. We proclaim by thought, word and deed the Good News of God in Jesus Christ. Most of us have the deed part kind of in hand and are working on the word part.

But the thought part is the truly hard part, and that's the part that I am keenly aware of and working, working, working on. I believe that when we work on the thought part, just as in prayer, we help to create the space that is the reign of God, that is the place of dignity and respect for all of Creation. Working on the thought part is where personal prayer practice, contemplation, meditation and seeking unity with nature come into the picture.

When we are at our best, practicing being with the rest of Creation, we have the possibility of getting in touch with how our thoughts affect us, how they cause us to say hurtful things and to do harmful things. Guarding our thoughts, changing our thoughts, elevating our thoughts - these things have some real practical and tangible outcomes. They lift our emotions and our spirits. Our lifted emotions and spirits impact other people with whom we interact. Together we impact whole environments, beginning with those most immediate to us.

Think about this. Direct your thoughts towards charitable thoughts of those who irritate you, those you deem stupid and those who seem beyond redemption. You will change yourself by changing your thoughts. And you will change your family and friends, because they will respond differently to a changed you. This is how the world changes. One thought at a time. One person at a time. One experience of Peace at a time.

Rome Vacation, St. Peter's Basilica

2011-04-24T16:00:00.003-06:00


The Risen Christ with his cross, in front of the dome of St. Peter's

What better day to post our photos from our visit to St. Peter's Basilica than today, Easter 2011! Viewing them again, I remember the sweet time Herb and I spent praying in the chapel there. We thanked God for Herb's own resurrection from an impending death due to kidney failure through the grace of a kidney donation and transplant on October 5th last year. We count our blessings everyday.

To view all 153 photos, go to my MobileMe Gallery at http://gallery.me.com/lelandalee#100569.

Lelanda in St. Peter's Square

We visited on a bright sunny Thursday, March 24th. We were blessed by great weather our entire Roman holiday. On this Thursday, the Vatican was relatively sparsely visited, compared to the vast crowds and buses taking up half of St. Peter's Square when we rode by on a bus two days later on Saturday morning, thinking we'd visit the Vatican Museum and the Sistine Chapel. We quickly changed our minds and went to Piazza Navona and the Pantheon instead, and those photos will be in a subsequent posting. Our appetite is definitely whetted for visiting other sites in Italy and a return trip to Rome.

Lining up to get inside St. Peter's Basilica

The lines were very efficiently and courteously managed, guiding us through a metal detector and our belongings through an X-ray machine. We only waited about 20 minutes and were glad to have chosen to tour at our own pace instead of using a paid guide. That turned out to be good strategy for taking numerous photos and spending extra time in front of the paintings and in the prayer chapel. With the relatively light visitor load, it meant that I could almost always wait for a clear shot of the art without competing with other photographers.

Looking out onto St. Peter's Square from the basilica's entrance

The area directly in front of the basilica had been set up with hundreds of folding chairs, and we didn't know if an event had just happened or was scheduled to happen.


On Saturday, this area was packed with lined-up tour buses

This was not our entry, but the guards were picturesque

Herb in the portico, the entry hall, to the basilica

Our first view of the nave, facing the baldachin

St. Peter's baldachin is the huge bronze carved canopy of state at the center of the crossing and directly under the dome of the basilica. It marks the place under which St. Peter's tomb lies. Under the canopy is the high altar of the basilica.

Looking down into the Confessio near St. Peter's tomb

Interior view of the dome of St. Peter's Basilica


An interior view to show the vastness of the basilica

One insight I had as I visited not only St. Peter's Basilica, but other archaeological sites in Rome, was how spot on the builders of Caesar's Casino and Resort in Las Vegas were. It always seemed to me that the over-sized Vegas Caesar's was somehow contrived, but now that I have seen the sites in Rome, I understand that the colossal size is accurately reminiscent of Rome.

St. Andrew, who was crucified on an X-shaped cross

Even the floor offered beauty to inspire

A confessional for the Sacrament of Penance

One of numerous altars in St. Peter's Basilica

These photographs were taken without flash and adjusted for exposure using the iPhoto software that comes with a Mac computer. It has been my experience that when natural light is present, even if it's dim light, adjusting the exposure on the computer provides a better photo than using a flash in the field. To see the rest, please go to my MobileMe Gallery at http://gallery.me.com/lelandalee#100569, where the photos can be viewed as a slide show.

One of a pair of doors on the way out

Turning around for a final look at St. Peter's Basilica as we leave

Rome Vacation, First Photos

2011-04-22T18:31:00.000-06:00

Taking Pictures

When Herb and I were in Rome for five days (March 22 through26), I took a huge number of photos, 1,587 to be exact. It was easy to do withmy SonyCyber-shot® Digital Camera DSC-T30 (7.2 mega pixels, Zeiss lens) with its lightweight, slide down shutter, one-handed operation. I've owned this particular Sony Cyber-shot® since the end of 2005, when I replaced an earlier model that had been stolen. The image stabilization feature of this camera has been a boon for all the photos I've taken while walking or riding in a moving conveyance like a tram through the rain forest in Costa Rica or a double-decker hop-on, hop-off bus in London and Rome.

Sony Cyber-shot® DSC-T30

I have eschewed buying anewer model thus far, but the brand new SonyCyber-shot® TX100V with16.2 mega pixels at $379.99 may tip me over. The previous model sported a flat front sliding panel that was difficult to slide down one-handed, which is very important to me, since I often extend my arm above my head or out a window to capture the photo. With digital cameras, your only limiters are battery life (rule: recharge every night), memory stick capacity (rule: carry more than one on your person) and camera readiness after each shot. The newer Cyber-shot® features a burst mode with 10 fps (frames per second), which will enhance an already fast readiness speed for taking multiple shots of an action scene.

It's taken me this long to edit the first two days' photos, in between other activities and travels, so that they can be shared. I've eliminated the duplicates, out-of-focus shots, and photos that just couldn't be enhanced, straightened or cropped into something interesting enough to view again or share. For editing, I use the very simple iPhoto software that comes with a Mac computer, aiming for a collection of photos that show what we saw as we wandered the city of Rome on bus and on foot. For the casual viewer, the 492 photos from two days of being in Rome will be too many to view. But for anyone who wants to get a thorough sense of the city, it will be, I hope, interesting. The link to all 492 photos is at http://gallery.me.com/lelandalee#100557.

First Trip to Italy

This was Herb and my first trip to Italy.

The Colosseum, Rome's iconic symbol

Close-up of the structures on the Palatine Hill

We had always been a little bit put-off by the stories of pick-pockets and Italian men pinching women's bottoms that may be apocryphal rather than accurate. We certainly did not encounter any problems with either pick-pockets or bottom-pinchers. Almost everyone we know who's been to Rome has come back with stories of stolen wallets. Of course, it should be noted that we also did not take any public transportation, opting instead for the hop-on, hop-off bus (one day included in our hotel stay, and we paid for two additional days at discounted rates).

First view of St. Peter's Basilica from the bus

And we prudently left our jewelry, laptops and iPad at home. Our iPhones and free wi-fi in our hotel were sufficient for keeping up with email and posting to Facebook.

Hotel Sonya

The Hotel Sonya where we stayed offered a superb location, a delightful free breakfast, free wi-fi, and free loaner notebook computers. At 113 Euros per night plus the mandatory 2 Euros per person per night tourist tax, this hotel was a bargain, and we recommend it unreservedly. The rooms are tiny and sparkling clean, and the staff is well-versed in English and very hospitable. The Hotel Sonya's honor bar in the room's refrigerator offered both still and carbonated bottled water for the bargain price of 1 Euro. The little liquor store across the street had beers, wine, spirits and chips, and there were several small restaurants nearby that provided excellent, inexpensive take-away food. We ate cannolis from the Viminiale Bar everyday!

Herb in front of the Hotel Sonya's entrance as we arrived


Breakfast: cheese, meat & potato pie, bread pudding, frittata


One of the Hotel Sonya's breakfast rooms

The hotel is conveniently located across from Teatro dell'Opera (regrettably sold out for months ahead of our visit) and a five-minute walk from Termini, the central train and bus station, which is also where the hop-on, hop-off buses can be accessed. The free pocket-size guidebook titled "Welcome! Rome's Guide" found in our hotel room published by Welcome SRL (for which I could not find a Web site) was an excellent guidebook, densely packed with numerous photos, 30 maps and 16 walking routes, highlighting 241 churches and 105 museums.

Teatro dell'Opera across the street from Hotel Sonya

Marble wall in front of Teatro dell'Opera lit up at night

PERSPECTIVES

Our experience of Rome can be summed up thusly: Everywhere you look, everywhere you turn your head, there are archaeological ruins that remind you of the almost three millennia of civilization that dwelt on this site. In addition to the typical shots of monuments and iconic sights, I also took a lot of photos of architectural details and street scenes to capture the flavor of being in Rome. I know that Herb and I will enjoy looking at the photos again.

View from a winding side street

Rome is definitely best enjoyed on foot, since there are many sights that can be seen only by wandering down side streets. You'd best be prepared to climb stairs, too, and leave your heeled shoes at home. We had our pocket guide book and maps plus Herb's GPS on his iPhone to keep us oriented.

We were blessed with unusually bright, sunny weather for a March visit, although the wind was in force most days. Our photos taken inside St. Peter's Basilica (which will be posted in another blog after I've edited them) benefitted from the sunshine on the day we visited. The warm weather allowed us to loiter at piazzas to soak in the sights and people watch, which is our favorite thing to do when traveling.

Piazza Navona

Stopping for a coffee is expensive, because it costs 3 to 4 Euros (about $4.35 to $5.80) and up. If you want American style coffee, you have to order an Americano. Ordering a coffee will get you a tiny cup of espresso, and there are no free refills. Unlike in Brussels, no chocolate or cookie came with the coffee either. We enjoyed watching suited men and women belly up to a coffee bar to throw back a coffee doused with sugar and then be on their way. That's the Roman version of the quick drink for the road. Now I know the origin of all those high octane energy drinks with their overdose of caffeine and sugar.

Our favorite meal in Rome was at a cafeteria style restaurant, L'Antica Fraschetta, frequented by locals. The food was the best we had and inexpensive, too. We found the restaurant on a side street by following uniformed police and firefighters to lunch. The bakery next door yielded a bag of madeleines after some businessmen came to our rescue since no one in the store spoke English.

L'Antica Fraschetta with people lined up through the door

Cafeteria style meant we could point to what we wanted!

One of the things that I noticed was how much Romans appreciate flowers and greenery. There were rooftop gardens with trees and window boxes in every neighborhood, and flowers were in bloom all around.

Rooftop garden

Window box

I think I'll stop here for this first installment of photos and commentary from our truly wonderful vacation in Rome. I celebrated my 62nd birthday there on March 26th.

Colorado's Response to the Proposed Anglican Covenant

2011-04-21T14:33:00.000-06:00

The following is the statement submitted by the Diocese of Colorado's General Convention Deputation to Executive Council on the proposed Anglican Covenant. It was posted on the House of Bishops and Deputies list on Wednesday morning and has since been reposted on a number of other blogs and news sites. It occurred to me that I should also repost it on my blog.

Fellow deputy Zoe Cole and I were the co-authors of this document. As a member of the deputation, I have had the opportunity to converse with congregations and individuals about this subject, which has greatly contributed to my thinking about who we are and how we relate to one another in the Anglican Communion. Back in November, I had created a PowerPoint presentation, which I freely shared with any who asked for it, as an outline for framing an even-handed discussion of the proposed covenant. If any would now like a copy, please email me at LelandaLee@gmail.com, and I'll be glad to send it to you.

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Members of the Diocese of Colorado’s GeneralConvention Deputation have accepted and faithfully engaged Executive Council’sinvitation to study, pray and discuss with members of our diocese the proposedAnglican Covenant. In addition to our own conversations as a deputation, we listenedto others in congregations and in other contexts throughout the diocese, andthese conversations also inform our understanding of the proposed covenant andthis response. Our fellowship with each other and our desire to be inrelationship with sisters and brothers in Christ in other parts of the AnglicanCommunion have been strengthened by our study and discussions. We give thanksfor the collaborative work of the committees and writing teams who have createdthe successive drafts of the proposed Anglican Covenant.

Based on our engagement with the text andwith each other, our deputation (with one exception) has concluded thatadoption of the proposed covenant would not strengthen our relationships withinthe Anglican Communion or foster our witness to God’s transforming love in theworld. We, therefore, recommend to Executive Council that The Episcopal Churchencourage members of the Anglican Communion to persevere in strengtheningrelationships through ongoing conversation and living into those covenants thatalready bind us in missio dei – the Baptismal Covenant, the Five Marksof Mission and the Millennium Development Goals - while refraining fromadoption of the final draft of the proposed Anglican Covenant.

Our concerns with the final draft of theproposed Anglican Covenant include the following:

· Theidea for a covenant arose out of the Windsor Report in response to the actionsof The Episcopal Church and the Anglican Church in Canada regardingconsecration of a partnered gay bishop and same gender blessings. However, theproposed covenant provides no means of reconciling the relationships broken byresponses to those actions. Instead it offers a punitive Section 4 thatproposes relational consequences that formalize separation and suspension fromparticipation in the life of the Communion. One member of our deputationsuggests that this is an example of proffering a legalistic solution to remedya relationship problem. Another deputy asks, “How would the events of 2003 haveturned out differently had such an Anglican Covenant been in place then?”

· ThePreamble acknowledges that signatories adopt the covenant “in order to proclaim more effectively inour different contexts the grace of God.” However, Section 4 directly contravenes the Preamble bypromulgating disciplinary procedures that do not respect those differentcontexts. The polity of the provinces in the Anglican Communion varies widely,and Section 4.1.3 affirms the “autonomy of governance” of each province.

· Section3.1.3 elevates “the historic threefold ministry of bishops, priests and deacons, ordainedfor service in the Church of God” into ministry leadership above the laity, which iscontradictory to The Episcopal Church’s theological understanding of theministry of all the baptized, including the laity who share in the governanceand leadership of the Church.

· Section 3.1.4 codifies The FourInstruments of Communion and their powers in a new way that is not in alignmentwith how they are perceived, received and understood by all provinces of theAnglican Communion.

· Some experience the proposedself-description of Anglicanism (Sections 1-3) as "too Anglican"while others experience it as "too generically Christian." Thisconfusion about how a particularly Anglican understanding of Christianity fitswithin a general understanding of Christianity may undermine the integrity ofecumenical relationships. Moreover, if the proposed covenant accuratelydescribes Anglicanism's self-understanding, why is it necessary? If, on the otherhand, it does not accurately describe our self-understanding, then how is ithelpful? And does it not then fundamentally change who we are?

· The broad authority proposed for theStanding Committee of the covenant suggests the “covenant” is really a “contract.”The grace and beauty of the Anglican Communion has always been the voluntaryfellowship of provinces bound together by affection. Covenants in the biblicaltradition are about relationship, identity, and transformation, and are rootedin models of shared abundance (Eucharistic fellowship). On the other hand,contracts are merely transactions or exchanges for mutual benefit. Contractualarrangements fall short of our vocation to love one another as we have beenloved by God.

The Colorado deputationaffirms the need to maintain and deepen fellowship within the AnglicanCommunion as well as within The Episcopal Church. Our relationships aretroubled and the members of the Anglican Communion are not of one mind abouthow to reconcile and restore our relationships. Some would even diagnose theAnglican Communion as a global entity as being profoundly fractured, ourrelationships ruptured, and our attention to missio dei compromised.Precisely for these reasons, we must work to intensify our relationships acrossthe communion through engagement with the promises we have already made to carefor one another.

All of us mustcontinue to seek ways to connect our Anglican identity and relationships toGod’s mission for the Church. Some believe it is incumbent upon thoseopposed to this version of the covenant to propose alternative, clear,realistic and definitive strategies by which this global family can weather andaddress the divergent theological and ecclesial realities in the AnglicanCommunion.

We look forward tocontinuing to walk together with all our brothers and sisters in the AnglicanCommunion and give thanks for our fellowship.

General Convention Deputation of the Diocese of Colorado

Laity:

Ms. L. Zoe Cole, Esq.
Mr. Jack Finlaw, Esq.
Mr. Lawrence Hitt, III, Esq.
Ms. Lelanda Lee - Co-Chair

Ms. Janet Farmer
Ms. Erica Hein

Clergy:

The Rev. Andrew Cooley - Co-Chair
The Rev. Brooks Keith
The Rev. Christy Shain-Hendricks
The Rev. Ruth Woodliff-Stanley

The Rev. Max Bailey

We want our Alleluias back!

2011-04-21T12:57:00.001-06:00

Episcopal Bishop Carol Gallagher says, “When you can’t doanymore, pray. . . .”

I’m thinking, “When you can’t begin, pray. . . . ”

Sometimes I get stuck. More often than I would like toadmit. And getting unstuck is usually neither easy nor quick. Kicking myself inthe metaphorical butt for a quick restart would do the trick if I weren’t sodamned good at rationalizing and procrastinating.

There are a lot of reasons for getting stuck. Most of them arein my head . . . and in my heart.

This week I’ve been stuck, because the news in the outsideworld, outside of my home and family, feels like an assault. There has beennews of bomb plantings in a mall south of Denver . . . deaths from wildfires,homes gone in blazes, and an arrest for arson of one who set and abandoned aslash fire just north of Longmont . . . more states adopting fearful,hate-filled, anti-immigrant laws like Arizona’s SB1070, and no one is reactingmuch anymore, overcome by other bad news . . . California state employees whohave gotten their share of illegal graft through non-repayment of salary andtravel advances, an example of how bad behavior among management (electedleaders) begets bad behavior among employees . . . tribal killings in Africawhere elections don’t seem to change anything . . . corporations reapingbillions of dollars in profits while paying zero taxes, and Congress stilldoesn’t have the resolve to right these wrongs . . . abductions of young women,and normal people unable to intervene even when they observe the evil happening. . . new and old stories of mothers killing their children and themselves . .. .

I can’t help it. I take these stories personally. I feel alot like Leeloo from the film "The Fifth Element,” assaulted by the onslaught of a whole lot of bad news andbad behavior and feeling mightily dumped on.

I think the oppression of the bad news and evil isexacerbated by the fact that this is Holy Week, and we have been approachingthe Triduum. I began Lent in a hard place, with the death of our beloved niece,Debbie, and news of cancer in two other relatives. It felt like we had our own AshWednesday that lasted weeks. We were immersed in more than just a one-dayobservation.

The flowers have been slow to rise up out of the ground thisspring, and the late snows have covered them at least once already. The tulipsnever made it, but a few brave daffodils are next to the front walk. The crabapple trees are budding out, and their pink flowers brighten the view from thekitchen window. Easter! We are so ready for the resurrection to come. We wantour Alleluias back. We have wintered too long . . . .

I'm praying as hard as I can.

ELCA Church Council Spring Meeting, Day 2

2011-04-10T05:50:00.000-06:00

Mosaic at The Lutheran Center

As the ecumenical partner sent by The Episcopal Church's (TEC) Executive Council to the Evangelical Lutheran Church in America's (ELCA) Church Council, I attend their twice-yearly meetings at the Lutheran Center near Chicago's O'Hare Airport. My counterpart, Pastor Kathryn Tiede from Minnesota, attends TEC's Executive Council thrice-yearly meetings, which alternate between Baltimore and Salt Lake City this triennium. Our churches fund each other's representative's visits, valuing the exchange of ideas and observations of the other church's life and processes.

ELCA's Kathryn Tiede & TEC's Lelanda Lee

Kathryn and I have enjoyed getting acquainted with one another's church, sharing our observations and developing a friendship grounded in our Christian service. As a matter of good stewardship, we are collaborating on collecting our observations to produce a report to our churches, targeted for spring 2012. Kathryn has also invited me to participate with the ELCA Church Council's Process Observation team, on which she serves, to prepare a training for Council members in November 2011 when newly elected members attend their first Council meeting. Process Observation is a tool to help the Council members reflect on their challenge to be intentionally inclusive in thought, word and deed as a church that is 97% White.

Yesterday was Day 2 of the Spring ELCA Church Council meeting, which was entirely spent in four packed plenary sessions. I live Tweeted yesterday's meeting, confining my Tweets primarily to giving a "tone" picture of the day's activities. As a guest at their meeting, I did not feel comfortable writing about intense discussions while they were in process and incomplete, on the fly. In addition to reports from the Presiding Bishop, Vice President, Treasurer, Secretary and Executive for Administration, much of the discussion time was devoted to unpacking the report of the LIFT (Living Into the Future Together) Task Force. I'm going to attempt now to share a few quick observations of the day. I will follow up after the weekend meeting is over with some more observations.

Presiding Bishop Mark Hanson opened the meeting with his address to Council. He reflected on how the outgoing class of 2011 Council members were elected in 2005 at a contentious time and how their six-year term has been defined by Social Statements, including the one on Human Sexuality adopted by their Churchwide Assembly in 2009. He pondered with Council how the ELCA will be defined as a church going forward and what the cathartic sparks will be in the future. He pointed to the lessons of perseverance and accompaniment of brothers and sisters through crisis into restoration such as the experience of Haiti and the presence of the Lutheran Church there through and after the 2010 earthquake.

Bishop Hanson talked about his recent visit to Haiti and how Haiti could easily be defined by its rubble and ruins, but instead its church leaders have chosen to be defined by restoration, because they are people of the resurrection. It is the 400 tents housing 10,000 people on top of the ruins of the former Italian Embassy and the vision of a vocational training school where now stands the remains of a former sugar factory that give rise to the promise of resurrection and a new identity for the people of Haiti.

Choosing relatedness rather than focusing on differences is a counter-cultural way for the ELCA to define itself. As Bishop Hanson puts it, it is about the ability to be present at the complex and challenging intersections of life and death where Lutherans can choose to be enriched rather than being divided.

Pastor Andre Lavergne of the Evangelical Lutheran Church in Canada (ELCIC) represented their Presiding Bishop at this Spring meeting of the ELCA Church Council. In the Fall, the ELCA sends a representative to the ELCIC Council meeting. ELCIC Presiding Bishop Susan Johnson has called their church to renewal, and because of their smaller size, they are able to be nimble in adjusting to changing demographics and resources. Martha Gardner of the TEC's Executive Council is the ecumenical partner to the Anglican Church of Canada (ACC), which had its first joint Council meeting with the ELCIC last week.

The ELCIC's human sexuality Social Statement will be coming to their churchwideassembly this year. Pastor Lavergne described the document as being more descriptive than proscriptive. Two draftshave previously been referred to their Faith, Order and Doctrine Committee. The first part of the Statementaffirms that matters of human sexuality ought not to be divisive. Another part addresses theordination of LGBTs and says that sexual orientation ought not to preclude ordination ortaking a call. Since civil marriage is legal for LGBTs in all Canadian jurisdictions, Pastor Lavergne pointed out that Canada's landscape is different than that faced by American churches. A final part of the Statement will address issues such as sexual harassment, exploitation, trafficking, etc.

Arielle Mastellar, one of two youth advisors to the ELCA Council, who will be retiring after this meeting, gave a five-minute Dwelling in the Word reflection on the parable of the sower. She reflected on the kind of soil that she is at different occasions in her life and asked Council members, "What kind of soil are you?" Her reflection built upon the ongoing challenge to ELCA members to live into being a restorative and fertile ground on which the church and its people can continue to live into the future, and lifts up the theme of this summer's Churchwide Assembly in Orlando - "Freed in Christ to Serve."

There's more to report from yesterday, but I've run out of time this morning and will post more later this weekend when I get home to Colorado.

Being Right and Holding It Lightly

2011-04-05T11:38:00.002-06:00

I’m thinking of the crackpot preacher in Gainesville,Florida, Pastor Terry Jones (and I use the word “pastor” with his nameadvisedly), and what a travesty he has made of his so-called ministry and hissense of “rightness.” I also think of the other purveyors of religion and“rightness” like popes, archbishops and priests, who have rendered theirjudgments on people and devastated lives and entire societies over thecenturies.

I’ve observed since I was a young child that one can beright and wrong at the same time. You can be right in terms of your evaluationof something – a person, an event, a thing like a rule, protocol or law – andstill be wrong in terms of the way that you wield your being right. You canwield your rightness without compassion and mercy and be so very wrong in theharm that you levy upon the ones you’ve judged. An example is how I, as ayoung manager, couldn’t resist identifying the mistakes made by asubordinate supervisor on a Friday afternoon, ruining her weekend by notproviding her with any chance for further conversation until the followingweek, when I could have waited until Monday to talk with her, a better choicefor both of us.

The problem with harming others with your rightness is thatundoing the harm is almost impossible. You can’t take the harm back. You canonly ameliorate it, and then, sometimes not well or enough. You can’t turn backthe clock on having said judgmental words, causing others to think poorly ofsomeone you’ve judged publicly or causing a loss of reputation, job or friends.You don’t even get to feel the satisfaction of being right if you are at all amoral being after you’ve seen the harm that your rightness has done.

Even worst than being right and wrong at the same time isfeeling right and wronged simultaneously. I remember a man I once knew who wasbrilliant intellectually but truncated emotionally. He often was right in termsof his evaluation of people, events and things, but he then took a crooked turnand somehow became the victim in the scheme of things, feeling burdened by theway others responded to his judgments. That’s a tragic self-absorption to livewith, to create your own psychic prison.

Do Justice, Love Mercy, Walk Humbly with God is an admonitionin Micah 6:8. Being right can be about doing justice, which is a good thing.But doing justice without mercy is hollow. I asked a confirmation class thispast weekend what they thought mercy meant and heard answers like kindness,compassion and forgiveness. I think mercy is all of those answers and that italso encompasses a sense of extending God’s grace, which is about the gift of boundlesslove without deserving it. Mercy means that you get a response that is kinder,more compassionate and forgiving than you could possibly earn on your ownmerits.

Walking humbly with God is an admonition to focus on God andto focus less on yourself. That’s why being right should be held lightly –humbly. When you have right judgment about people, events and things, it shouldn’tbe all about you. And if you hold your right judgment lightly, you will not beone who crows about it from the rooftops or who clubs others withyour words. When you hold a flower in your hand, it is best to hold it in youropen hand, careful not to close your fingers tightly around the fragile flowerand crush it, destroying its beauty that gives pleasure to all who observe it.Likewise, when you hold being right in your being, it is best to hold itlightly with an open heart, so that others come to see it at their own pace,without being harmed by the weight, power or anger of your words or judgment.

Being right and holding it lightly is about self-restraint. It is about a self-image that resists any sense of superiority or privilege, regardless of the rightness you feel coursing inside yourself, an exercise in living in a conundrum. Self-restraint places your ego in a just relationship with others, where there is expression of mutual interest, cooperation and care.

In our church liturgies we are often reminded of the Summary of the Law given by Jesus, which says, ‘You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your strength, and with all your mind; and your neighbor as yourself.’ [Luke 10:27] However, it is important to remember the new commandment given by Jesus, which says, ‘I give you a new commandment, that you love one another. Just as I have loved you, you also should love one another. By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another.’[John 13:34-35].

Loving one another as Jesus loves us is a higher calling than loving our neighbor as ourselves. Jesus' standard is higher than any we can hope to set or achieve on our own. Jesus said repeatedly in his earthly ministry, "Follow me." And in John 13:35, he tells us how we can measure ourselves as his followers - by our love for one another.

Ten Email Courtesies

2011-04-04T15:16:00.001-06:00

I receive many shared articlesand suggested Web sites from friends via email, andgenerally, I welcome them. But occasionally, I get annoyed, because some simplecourtesies weren't observed. So, I thought I'd list a few of those courtesies here:

Know me well enough to have a clue whether or not I will be interested in what you send. Many people, including me, do not appreciate receiving broadcast emails forwarding jokes, cute pictures, cause and charity appeals, inspiring messages, sales pitches, etc. Some people have limited capacity in their email programs and are inconvenienced when their inboxes get clogged with emails that don’t interest them. They want to tell you to stop, but they don’t want to hurt your feelings by telling you that you have poor judgment.
Include source information when forwarding articles and quotations. Inquiring minds want to know. Who published the original article or quotation? What is the URL where the original is located? Who wrote the article or made the quotable statement? When was it published? If a quotation is in response to a question, statement or event, include some background information so the quotation is within a context.
When forwarding anything within the body of an email, clean it up before hitting "Send." That means taking the time to delete anything that is extraneous to the content that you want the recipient to read. Extraneous refers to the "to," "from," and "subject" lines of prior emails in the chain, multiple electronic signatures at the end of the email, extra blank lines, advertising, rubrics like “print” and “share,” and the like. In many cases, extraneous will also include the prior emails in the conversation thread that have no bearing on what you’ve just written. Remember to clean up the “subject” line while you’re at it. Better yet, copy the content into a new email.
Use a “subject” line that is informative. I am more likely to open your email when it first arrives, rather than save it for later . . . or never, if I know what’s in it. Everyone is busy and inundated with online input. Be specific, and if there is a time deadline for the contents, say so.
Don’t send a URL without any commentary from you. It will get deleted, because I will suspect that it’s SPAM or a virus. It might be something that I would really have enjoyed seeing, reading, viewing or hearing, but I can’t take any chances with regard to online safety.
Don’t hit “Reply All” when you really mean to reply to only one or two people. Everyone else will be annoyed. If it happens frequently, your emails will get deleted automatically without being read.
Use “bcc” when you’re sending something to more than a few people who don’t know each other or aren’t in a committee or group. Your friends and acquaintances would prefer not to have their email addresses shared with people they don’t know. They don’t want to be solicited for someone else’s next great cause.
Save the cute animated graphics in your signature line for someone who cares. Many email programs receive those animated graphics as attachments, which can slow downloading the email, and in some instances, pitch the email into the SPAM folder.
Use a URL shortener when sharing links. Your friends will thank you. The most popular URL shorteners are bit.ly and tinyURL.com. They shorten a long (sometimes three lines) URL to 20 characters, which is easier to copy and paste or retype.
Check out what you send before you send it. I hate receiving emails of claims that are too outrageous to be true. Research before you send outrageous claims. Google them, or check them out at sites like Snopes.com and FactCheck.org. You may change your mind about sending or forwarding it.

Good manners are always in style. Courtesy is always appreciated.

What do the bishops have to fear?

2011-04-01T12:45:00.000-06:00

This week, the House of Bishops of The Episcopal Church decided mid-way through their Spring meeting at Kanuga to suspend Tweeting from their meeting. The reason I heard cited was that this would allow the bishops time to reflect, discuss and do their work without the pressure of outside criticism, or something to that effect. As you can imagine, there was considerable disappointment, at the mildest, to condemnation, at the strongest level of reaction, to the Bishops' decision.

What do the Bishops have to fear? What do the Bishops have to protect? Whom are they protecting and from whom are they protecting?

From my perspective, this is yet another symptom of people of privilege and power, insiders, displaying their fear at sharing what they do, know and think with people outside the inner circle. We see this repeatedly in government and in the highest leadership echelons of both for-profit and not-for-profit organizations. This fear is a meme that gets inculcated and reinforced in the few who are invited into the inner circle, and it is a meme that is difficult to resist.

This type of hoarding of information also speaks to a fundamental disdain for the people that those in leadership serve and lead, their constituents. These leadership cadres seem to believe that their constituents are not prepared, either intellectually, educationally, informationally, emotionally or otherwise, to receive spontaneous, unglossed news of what is happening in the midst of leadership confabs. In the instance of prohibiting live Tweets, there is also an underlying message of lack of faith in one's fellows, that they will not exercise good judgment in sharing information responsibly and respectfully. (Think about it: Bishops not trusting other Bishops.)

As one who sits in some of those hallowed halls of leadership, I am mindful of the fact that there are legitimate nuggets and even occasional volumes of information that must remain confidential, some for a short time and some for longer periods. Those items might include information that would compromise a lawsuit while it is still being litigated or cause a lawsuit to be engaged, intellectual property subject to patents and loss of competitive economic advantage, and personnel data, to name a few. But the number, volume and degree of those items are generally far overstated by overreaching management in many, if not in most, cases.

I acknowledge the fact that many critics of the inner circles of leadership use rhetoric that frames their arguments in dismissive, insulting and confrontational language, which is neither helpful nor responsible. However, I submit that leadership must be prepared to restrain their very human desire to respond in kind and by locking down their organizations.

A specific charism of leadership is that it must always take the first steps to invite dialog and collaboration in the development of goals and methods. After all, it is the leadership that holds the power, namely access to resources, money and numbers of people. Likewise, a specific charism of those who participate in the selection/election of leaders is that they must do their research with diligence, influence with effort and passion, and exercise ongoing oversight and participation to hold their leaders accountable.

Leaders need to get over how they look and sound. They're going to make mistakes, and some of those mistakes will be both public and egregious. How they respond to their mistakes and how they communicate about their mistakes and responses are what matters and what contributes to how they will be judged. Constituents need to take responsibility for their organizations and communities. The old adage about being part of the solution versus being part of the problem holds true here. Both leaders and constituents must be committed to ongoing learning, including from each other. When you stop learning, you die.

Belonging is not a free ride. Neither is leading.

Sabrinaa Nightfire Memorial Announced

2011-03-31T08:05:00.000-06:00

From Steve Arkin, widowed husband of Deborah Berman Arkin, also known as Sabrinaa Nightfire on Second Life:

Steve and Debbie at their wedding

In celebration and honor of the woman I loved . . .

Announcing a memorial for Sabrinaa Nightfire/Debbie Berman Arkin: May 7th, 2pm-6pm, at 1913 West Martin Luther King Tampa, FL 33607, open to the public. This is the medical office building where she touched the lives of over 7,000 families. There will be displays of her art and her life, and you can share your love with others who knew her.

Her love still lives in the hearts and minds of those whom she touched. For those who cannot make this day, the display will remain until September 7th and be open on Mondays and Wednesdays 9 to 4. Private showings can be arranged by calling: 813-376-3790. There is no need to RSVP. For those who wish to make a charitable contribution in Debbie's name: Women's Resource International, PO BOX 8809, Tampa, FL 33674, a 501c3 corporation. It will go to serve women in need of medical care or temporary living assistance.

Farewell, Debbie -- gone from this life, but always in our hearts.

Lady Lee Recalls

2011-03-28T00:38:00.001-06:00

On the day before my 62nd birthday I received a gift of incomparable value, a grace, as it were, a gift unexpected and unwarranted. A woman who is a stranger to me has curated the memory of Rena and kept her alive to greet me more than twenty-five years after we had lost contact. Over the years I have searched for Rena, and I am now told that she died in 1992, leaving a daughter and a circle of loved ones who all thought her to be magical, lyrical and transcendent. That is certainly the way Rena was for me, she who called me "Lady Lee."

This stranger has darned the holes in the patchwork quilt made up of vignettes that lead from San Francisco and Berkeley to Hawaii to the mountains, lakes and plains of this country's heartland. The quilt contains the stories of both me and this stranger's now-husband, who was Rena's paramour at the time of her death. This volunteer curator has promised artifacts from that earlier age, and I wonder, will I recognize them as being of my making? Will they remember the one who dreamed them into being and shaped them? I ponder, too, the generous heart of this stranger and how she knows that she has touched magic even from the periphery of her love's memories.

Every woman of an age has a history. Mine is quite colorful and more than a little of a contrast to the steady life I've built over the past 30-some years. My 20's were the stuff of pulp fiction and Woodstock, a litany of sex, drugs and rock 'n roll, a journey of hedonism, experiment and revolution in which I lost myself, tested myself and found myself. I don't think I would attach the adjective "good" to those years, but I also know this: I do not for a moment regret any of those days, people or experiences. Here I am, because they were, there and then.

I have often said, quietly so as not to tempt fate, that it is a miracle that God saved me from all the experiences that could have led to death for me, as it did for so many others. Jimi Hendrix, Janis Joplin, and Jim Morrison were the famous ones, all dead at age 27 within a year of each other, 1970-71. Maybe that fate only befell those whose names began with "J," or maybe I learned from their lives' lessons, trailing five years behind them.

I have had a prescient sense of call through the years even when I could not discern a call from a ticket to Radio City Music Hall. God has a sense of the ironic and irenic, if not exactly a sense of humor. Humor presupposes a certain comic perspective of the human condition that I doubt belongs to God. I suspect God's viewpoint to be more rueful and compassionate.

God has always chosen the least and the lost to infect with his sense of the holy. The Beatitudes were written to be our law and blessing, holding up before us endless possibilities of the redemptive power of love and relationship. It is for us to choose people over the seductive, easy allure of money and social status, of climbing the shining ladder of success clad in stainless steel and greenbacks, stock options and expense accounts. Choosing people - over everything else or the right people - hasn't always been my strong suit. I've been addicted to ideas all my life, and they've been more consistently rewarding.

My 30's were spent in the heyday of the '80s when it seemed as if real estate and stocks would never fail us and gala charity balls, first class seats and silk dresses would never lose their appeal. Well, the wheel has turned in my lifetime, and the attractions of the '80s are over. Heaped into piles of disdained values like over-consumption, indulgence and selfishness, we don't regret walking away from them, glad to be left with our sense of self on which to build anew.

My sense of self does harken back, when it is reminded, to the important people in my life. There were a special few, who contributed to my formation, whose loss I mourn with all the parts of me touched by their overflowing essence of new days. My sense of call is this: listen to those who do not speak in ordinary words or any words at all, and if the opportunity arises, speak the crevices and crevasses of our human experience into mirrors for the power-led and power-emptied to see a path into that overflowing, ever-flowing essence of new days.

I remember Rena with her crooked, sunny smile, and her optimism that paid no mind to the reality of her existence. Magic is what some special few weave out of the air as their hands move when they talk and their hair whips in the wind as they dance instead of walking. It reminds me that I like to whirl . . . and whirl . . . and whirl.

Takeoffs and Touchdowns: The New Normal

2011-03-18T23:45:00.000-06:00

I have given up waiting for a "normal" time in my life, because it seems that everyday is filled with activities that are extraordinary. My wait for "normal" has been about my hope for a time when I am fully in control of my days and can do some of the things I've been stacking up till then. I have a neglected sewing machine, an unused table loom, and beads I have yet to sort and string. I have books overflowing all my bookshelves and horizontal surfaces in every room. There are myriad unfinished poems, essays and stories tucked into folders on my computer.

I love the activities I have chosen and volunteered for. I don't regret any of the choices, and I get great satisfaction out of doing them all. I love being married and having a family. The people in my daily life enrich my sense of self and help me not to take myself too seriously. I love the work I've undertaken for The Episcopal Church. I feel very much called, at this place, in this time, to engage the leadership roles to which I've been elected. I love the causes which I support. There are people who need the passion and gifts that I bring to peace and justice work, and I need to be reminded that there but for the grace of God go I. I love the people in my life whom I listen to, counsel and support, who become surer of themselves and do meaningful things for others.

Occasionally friends will advise me to just say, "No," so that I'm not quite so busy all the time. I find that advice difficult to embrace. As I have grown in peace and justice work, from my teen years marching with the American Friends to my feminist years organizing women's groups to my ongoing work for racial and ethnic justice, I have tried to say, "Yes," whenever possible. My motivation for saying "Yes" arises out of my understanding of my privilege as a middle class American who has enough to eat, a desirable home, and distance from the privation of my sisters and brothers in lesser circumstances here at home in the U.S. and overseas in third world countries. As I have said in different ways over the years, I believe that those who can, should.

I am very much shaped by my mother's family's experience of the Communist take-over in China, their loss of everything, and their refugee status in Hong Kong . . . by the fact that my maternal great-grandfather was known as the "Jesus man" in his village and how his Christianity informed the way he treated the females and servants in his family . . . by my mother's answer to my childhood questions about the Communist take-over that "at least everyone is eating now" . . . by my father's duty and sacrifice of his own opportunities to support his parents, siblings, wife, children and wife's refugee family . . . by my father's constant efforts as an interpreter and translator for his fellow Chinese restaurant workers . . . . I don't have to look far afield to find role models who have shaped my sense of community and duty to care for others.

I suppose it was important for me to have been born with a proclivity for the kind of family training that I received. I think of it as a cultural meme that pervades the very essence of who I was created to be. In the terms of my chosen religion, Christianity, I have been called by God to be this person with these charisms, and living into these charisms is irresistible.

I'm looking ahead to April and thinking strategically of how I can keep some of the days clear of appointments and drives down to Denver, an hour away. The cost of gas will give me an extra incentive to be more deliberate in my driving trips. I am glad for Web conferences, but also find myself in a series of takeoffs and touchdowns like a plane on many short flights, seemingly always getting ready for meetings and recovering from them. I am sometimes tempted to forgo meeting preparation, but I am mindful of honoring other people's commitments by honoring my own commitments. In many ways, I suspect that I am firmly entrenched as a member of my generation, a boomer who will never fully retire and disengage, appealing as that prospect is. I generally don't think that's a bad thing. It is who we are.

Defending the racist UCLA girl

2011-03-14T01:44:00.000-06:00

Someone has to defend the dumb, racist UCLA girl whose video (and another link here at Angry Asian Man's Web site) is now floating all over the Internet. The original video has been removed from YouTube, but it's gone viral all over the Net on different sites. So many Asians are offended that they and others have reposted the video everywhere.

Now don't get me wrong. I'm offended, too. I posted the link to Angry Asian Man's Web site on my Facebook account to comment that I'm offended by this princess of White privilege.

This young woman, a political science major at UCLA has stupidly posted a rant about Asians and their "un-American" manners. She has complained about Asian family members visiting their UCLA students in their apartments and helping them do their laundry and cooking for them. She has complained about Asian students using their cell phones at the school library. She has used offensive "ching chong" language to caricature and mock Asian students on their cell phones. Like no one else uses their cell phones in the library.

What this girl has done is wrong, racist and really stupid.

But she doesn't deserve to be threatened online or in person. She doesn't deserve to be stalked. She doesn't deserve to have her name and contact information bandied about all over the Internet.

I'm not excusing her behavior. I have no doubt that she will bear many unforeseen consequences for her lapse of judgment that caused her to post this racist rant on YouTube.

But, let's get real and use some judgment.

This girl's rant is rather pathetic and appears to be the rant of an unthinking young person who has had a momentary lapse of judgment. She appears to be taking a break from studying and videoing herself just spouting off on what happens to be on her mind at the moment. Her video doesn't appear to have the premeditated hate messages that we so often hear from racists who intend to perpetrate violence and bigoted acts against Asians.

She is not a public figure like Rush Limbaugh or Glenn Beck. She did not scapegoat a specific person and post a video of a private event like a sex act of anyone.

She's just dumb and has made a whopping big mistake.

Haven't we all made stupid mistakes from momentary lapses of judgment when we were her age? The difference is that today, with the opportunities afforded by YouTube and Facebook, a young person can really step into a big hole and make a big splash on the Net that she can't easily recover from.

So, friends, let's be grownups about this and cut this girl some slack. Let's forgive her and let her go back to her student life. Let's not add to the fear that she will feel from being the focus of so much negative attention. Let's not be the ones to instigate violence against her. No one deserves that amount of hate for a youthful misjudgment.

Imagining Life

2011-03-13T19:24:00.000-06:00

I can't speak for other parents of adult children, but I miss checking in with my daughter on the social networking platforms all day long while she is in Amsterdam on spring break with her wife. They left on Friday and arrived in Europe yesterday. Between an eight-hour time difference and the cost of 3G and WiFi access, she logs on when she can but not as constantly as when she's in the U.S.

When she's at home, we talk irregularly on the phone, but we text, post to Facebook, Twitter and Path, and email constantly. Her dad and I laugh when she uses us to keep her company via cell phone on her drive home from work. Facebook is probably the primary method that we use to keep in touch. She posts photos and her latest art work.


Cece drew this on her iPhone on the transcontinental flight to Amsterdam. I don't know how she gets this much control on an iPhone screen to make such a complex and detailed drawing.

This is my first effort at an iPhone drawing. You can tell I've got a lot of improvement ahead of me! LOL!

I use Facebook to post commentary on the news that I'm reading and occasional photos, especially if I've been traveling or attending events like weddings and reunions with old friends. I also keep up with current news that my friends are talking about and engage in exchanges on their Facebook posts. My duaghter and I both post "what we're doing" and "what we're feeling" updates on Twitter when we think of it. Additionally, I have this blog to post longer commentary of things I'm thinking about. We're trying to get my husband to sign on to Facebook so that he can keep up with all the conversations and shared photos and art.

Our daughter, now 25 and a senior in law school, has lived away from home for eight years. It took us until last year when she got married to recognize that she doesn't live in our home anymore and probably never will again, except maybe as a temporary way station transitioning into her own quarters. We haven't quite cleaned out her bedroom, but it's been used as a guest room and storage space for the past several years. Soon, we expect my brother to move into that room as his way station to an apartment in Colorado to be nearer to our mother, who lives with us.

For me, the experience of our daughter finally leaving home is a lot like the experience of aging. I'm not sure how I got here, and at the same time, it feels like it happened overnight. I can't imagine life without my daughter nor can I imagine life without social networking media.

God calls us to sanity

2011-03-07T18:57:00.000-07:00

I thank Diana Butler Bass and all who have commented in theconversation begun in a Facebook post by Diana this afternoon. The originalpost read: “Just wondering ifthere is any real purpose to ordination exams other than hazing,” which led toa wide-ranging conversation about ordination, the quality of clergy and theinstitutional church, generating 75 comments and 42 people “liking” thethread at the time I posted this comment, originally meant for that thread, but growing too long.

I serve on The Episcopal Church's Executive Council and theStanding Committee of the Diocese of Colorado, and my sense of how we raise upordinands, move them through the process (parish discernment committee,diocesan Commission on Ministry, bishop's consent, seminary), and finallyordain candidates is that we are stuck in a mode of self-perpetuation with virtuallyno room for truly entrepreneurial, innovative and culturally diverse clergy. Weare strait-jacketed by our canons and our bishop-centric hierarchy.

Deployment is another step where we fall into theself-perpetuation trap. A lot of what we march out and dress up as innovationis little more than window-dressing, albeit well-intentioned and nicelypackaged. Our church's leadership ranks are filled to overflowing with aplethora of very nice, smart, educated and well-intentioned folks. Eventually theywill only have each other to talk to.

We also perpetuate a class system in our clergy ranks thatis institutionalized in our ordination process, which fails to recognize thatsome of the potentially more effective clergy might be raised up in non-traditionalways and serve in non-traditional ways (because they are also servingnon-traditional congregations). Honestly, is our goal to win souls for Christor to ensure that our canons and bylaws are followed with each “i” dotted andeach “t” crossed? (The class system of which I speak relegates some clergy tocures with lower compensation, fewer community resources, lack of mentoring,and virtually no opportunities for career development.)

We know the words to describe what it is that we think weshould be aspiring to, but we don't sincerely believe the philosophies thatunderlie those words, and we find it very difficult to embrace individuals whoactually do understand and believe those philosophies, because they are not"like us," meaning, like what is familiar and known (aka the statusquo).

A true entrepreneurial spirit has such belief in and passionfor the project/activity/product that risking capital, reputation, futureincome streams, and alienation of family and friends is deemed a good and rightchoice in the quest for something truly life-giving and life-changing thatattracts new customers/believers and changes the whole game. (Think "Foolsfor Christ.") Institutional churches seldom have the depth of faith totake those risks. Institutional people don't like to be perceived as fools.

I get that turning a huge ship around requires both time anddirection and that we don't want to destroy the morale or commitment of thosehands already on deck. But instead of continuing to allocate scarce resourcesto patching up the old ship when it continues to spring leaks and is stubbornlynot turning, maybe we should be looking at how we can downsize the old ship sothat we can create a flotilla of smaller ships that accompany us and help uscarry out our mission and attract new resources until the whole fleet begins totake a different shape.

New resources (people and capital) will have a differentnotion of identity, who they think we should be together, and somehow, we haveto be willing to humble and sacrifice ourselves and our veteran ideals andgoals to hear and listen to those new ideas and lend them credence. I find itironic that we can talk about sacrificial giving in a stewardship conversation,but then cannot talk about sacrificial giving up of our sacred cows because ofour hubris in believing that we have the answers for those we want to inviteinto our churches to join us. Why can’t they and people like them have theanswers?

I think we make mistakes in how we interpret the factsbefore us and how we ascribe rationales to explain why things are the way theyare. I repeatedly hear elaborate, defensive rationalizations when confrontedwith recommendations for trying something new. I hear perspectives that beginand end with the frame we've always thought, lived and worked out of. That waylies insanity, and I do believe that God calls us to sanity.

Valley Experiences vs. Mountain-Top Experiences

2011-03-07T00:29:00.000-07:00

"What mountain-top experience has shaped your faith?" asks the ELCA on Twitter (March 5th).

I'm thinking my faith has actually been shaped more by down-in-the-valley experiences than by mountain-top experiences.

It's the valley experiences that make me understand about surrender which is a precursor to faith. Faith is a gift, but it's a gift that comes at times and in forms least favorable to your wanting to accept the gift.

Accepting God as God in your life is about recognizing that God has all the power and that what power you think you have is illusory and puny in comparison. A metaphor for this would be the trust fall, where you willingly let yourself fall into the arms of your companions, trusting that they will not let you fall to the ground.

In our lives we are always falling metaphorically, and once in free fall, it's not our power that prevents us from falling all the way down, but God's power that saves us. All we have to do is answer "Yes" when God calls us.

"The Universe" or "God"?

2011-03-07T00:11:00.000-07:00

"Nice people everywhere are saying 'the universe' instead of 'God' ... what are religious professionals such as myself to make of this?" tweeted my friend, the Rev. Torey Lightcap, on March 5th.

I think, Torey, that when people say "the universe" instead of "God," it's because saying "God" presupposes a certain intimacy with God that most people don't feel. Or, if they feel that intimacy a little bit, it's still too daunting to admit out loud.

I used to say "the universe" all the time, because I was afraid of intimacy with God. Not calling God by God's name is a way of keeping God at an emotional distance, where I can feel some sense of control over how much to let God into my life.

Having a relationship with God means that I have to own up to some responsibilities about who I am, the kind of person that I am, and how I behave towards other people. Saying "the universe" lets me off the hook. It's impersonal, and it's universal (pun intended), not directed at me in particular.

The universe doesn't hold me accountable in the way that God holds me accountable. And the universe doesn't impose any accountability to others on me in the way that a relationship with God does.

I can be anonymous in, to and with the universe; I am nothing more than just one of gazillions of human beings populating this corner of the universe. For a frightened human being who feels lost and small, being anonymous actually feels pretty good, because it doesn't add any noticeable stressors to those already at work in one's life.

Now, Torey, the logical next question to me is, "Why haven't religious professionals figured out how to tell the story of God so that people desire to have a relationship with God?"

Farewell, Sabrinaa Nightfire

2011-03-06T22:03:00.000-07:00

Farewell, Debbie Berman aka Sabrinaa Nightfire. Rest in peace and rise in glory in the great beyond.

Debbie Berman and her Second Life alter ego, Sabrinaa Nightfire

Our niece, Debbie Berman, died this afternoon at the age of 51. She fought a brave and optimistic fight against breast cancer. Debbie wrote and created art about her fight with Stage 4 breast cancer. She took the initiative right from the start, with a preemptory double mastectomy five years ago.

We are very sad. The next generation is not supposed to die before we do.

"Shit, shit, shit... I have a lot more art to make" - words in the Stage 4 landscape

Images from Stage 4, a Second Life installation by Debbie Berman

Debbie's father, Captain Mel Berman, died a year ago at the age of 82. We miss him, too. Mel's friends keep his legacy alive at his fishing Web site CapMel.com.

This is what happens as we age. It is the natural progression of time, but that doesn't mean we have to like it, even as we accept it. What choice is there?

Our thoughts and prayers are with Debbie's husband, Steve, and her mother and brother. We also hold all of Debbie's many, many friends in our hearts. May peace find them all and solace be theirs.

Debbie in October, 2007

Debbie was a phenomenal artist. She painted, quilted and took photographs in addition to creating computer art in the virtual world of Second Life. You can see some of her work at Flickr by clicking here.

Debbie is gone, but Sabrinaa will live forever in Second Life. And the flowers created by Debbie will bloom forever there, too.

Flowers created by Debbie Berman in Second Life

"There have been too many losses" are words I wrote in a poem penned in 1995 when my friend, Jeanne, died from breast cancer. Almost two years ago I cited that poem as I experienced a season of losses. It is a season that comes more frequently as the years fly by.

Lord, have mercy.

Of economics and fear

2011-03-05T12:55:00.000-07:00

I've observed that conversations about topics of deep concern to caring individuals sometimes devolve into declarations of entrenched positions and name-calling without much regard for the fact that nothing in life can be construed as solely polar opposites. That is mistaken binary thinking. There are so many nuances that require much more conversation to illuminate and to understand the layers of the issues. It's not either-or, but both-and. It is often simpler to demonize the persons further down the spectrum (from us) than to see their humanity.

I sense that fear is at the bottom of this kind of reaction to economic topics like poverty, the rights of workers, entitlement vs. merit, opportunity vs. greed, taxation, property rights and responsibilities, public education, and so on. That fear arises out of a fundamental belief that the pie is only so large and can be divided only in familiar ways. That fear is overtaking the national conversation as well as the church conversation. It's as if our faith is somehow weakened in the face of so much fear, and we forget that if we trust in God, all else falls into a less threatening place, giving us the emotional space to search for solutions together.

A major shared, but unspoken, fear is that one might fall to the bottom of the pile and be at the effect of the forces that keep a person at the bottom. That fear has some basis in fact, since there are many circumstances such as catastrophic illness, loss of employment and natural disaster that could affect anyone, regardless of status, accumulation of wealth or individual actions. The loss of intact and supportive family and community structures has also exacerbated how this generation handles such losses.

However, realistically, not everyone is at the same risk of total loss. Let's be honest: there is a difference between not having transportation to go to work and not being able to go on vacation. There is a difference between being evicted for inability to pay the rent and losing half your 401(k). That is not to say, though, that the panic that ensues is necessarily less in one instance than in the other. None of us is prepared to be a loser in America where the myth (also known as "the American dream") has always been a promise that if you work hard, you'll be rewarded with financial success and a climb up the economic ladder. The Great Depression of the 1930's is only a remote history lesson in a book for many of us.

Another fear is a psychic fear that one will be found out to harbor politically incorrect, even uncharitable, degrees of selfishness and greed that contribute to the inequitable distribution of resources and opportunities in our country. We don't like it when others look at what we own and how we choose to spend and then judge us. It feels uncomfortable to be judged about the car that we drive, the clothes that we wear, the entertainment that we seek, and the food that we eat. Yet we subscribe to media and entertainment that generates constant portrayals of "lifestyles of the rich and famous."

Most of us believe that everyone should have food, shelter, education, and access to healthcare when ill, but we disagree on how people gain access to those basic human needs. Just to be clear and to disabuse my readers of any notions of the ridiculous: the Powerball lottery and being a reality show contestant are not the answers. Fairy godmothers are fictional characters, and the exceptions do not justify a rule.

I think it behooves people of good will and love for their neighbors to soften their hearts, examine their own lives and choices, and participate intentionally and directly with the people in need that are before them. What that will look like for each of us may be different, but it could begin by asking questions that go beyond, "How are you," to asking questions like, "How are you covering your expenses since you got laid off" and "Do you need help to see a dentist for that toothache?"

One of the lessons I learned from an Islamic professor in Morocco was that the third pillar of Islam is to help neighbors in need personally, directly, out of not just income, but also out of accumulated wealth. We in America are much more comfortable writing checks than inviting those who need help into our lives, and the Christian tithe typically only applies to income. We fall so short of what we could do if we lived what we profess to believe.

Numbness and Baton Passing

2011-03-01T07:04:00.000-07:00

I am frequently numb after a busy period of intense meetings and volunteer service on various committees and boards.

But this week I am numb from the intensity of the hard news our family has received. Our favorite niece is in the end stage of breast cancer, a recurrence from a double mastectomy more than five years ago. Typically the five year mark is magical, almost a guarantee against cancer. Debbie wasn't so lucky.

We also learned that her only sibling, a younger brother, has been diagnosed with prostate cancer. Their father, Herb's eldest brother, died a mere twelve months ago. Tough news to handle, especially for our sister-in-law, the wife and mother.

We've been teary-eyed for days, which are not yet at an end.

What makes this time different is that our daughter and her spouse are taking this walk with us. They're 25, adults and full participants in our family's lives. They are no longer merely our children, youngsters we look after and protect, protect not only from the world but also from the tough family times.

It matters that we are in a sense passing the baton on to the next generation, sharing not only the good times and material wealth of the family, but also sharing the responsibility for being family.

When we thought that Herb was dying late last year, before his kidney transplant, he and I talked about how we had finally launched our daughter, and that comforted us. Knowing that our children will stand on their own with some assurance of self-sufficiency is, indeed, comforting to parents. It's what we work towards from the day we bring our babies home from the hospital.

Another passage was the one I wrote about in Matriarchs and Elders, posted on May 9, 2009, the story of when I transitioned from daughter and niece to matriarch and elder. Little did I know then that it would be so soon that I would share responsibility so fully with my daughter. In retrospect, it makes sense: when one passage occurs, the others that follow will logically fall into place. It's always only a matter of time.

I know now that I must begin to reflect on how to identify the things that should be turned over to my daughter and how to encourage those turnovers gracefully. When the girls were married in July, I began the turnover by gifting them with some jewelry that previously belonged to my father and maternal grandmother. I made those gifts with an open heart, but also with a heart that wanted to hold back, just a little bit.

This passage of time and identity also means a movement towards an end date, something that we all resist with every fiber of our beings. As Herb says, he'd like to be around to know how the rest of the story unfolds.

Pericopae: Juxtaposition

2011-02-27T09:48:00.000-07:00

Paper flowers created by the bride decorated the wedding hall & party.

Question

Tell me, I say:
I want to know

how is it that today
laughter from small children
gamine, rosy and precocious
lights up the night
more brightly than
the lighted ferries
appearing in the dark
like gliding specters
of entire buildings
sprung up from the deep
in darkness and surprise
suggesting a world
beneath this world
of mermaids
porpoises and trident kings

West Coast Story

this is a night
of new beginnings
a union of two souls
lifted out of despair
making promises bold
with renewal and hope
joining two families
through two souls
giving selves and all
punctuated by
flowers shaped by art
words shaped
by the grime of the road
experience and romance
words and flowers
the power of
the brush and pen
the marriage of
writer and artist

East Coast Story

while across the land
a vast continent
containing lives and loves
stories beyond counting
an artist
who conjures lifescapes
out of cyber floss
and whimsy
and a healer
who heals all who come
no expectation of payment
no fanfare
stare into the night
of final slumber
noticing the pores
in the cement
of second chances
playing cards
for one more chance
to beat the odds
yet finally
overcome by life's river
flowing by too fast
flowing by unaided

Mother's Story

a mother heaves
sighs
and weeps
anticipating the loss
of one more beloved
of the illness of yet another
numbering her losses
on all her fingers
and toes
there is nothing else
left to lose
nothing else precious
that hasn't been taken
severe and sear
like the scar across the land
left by mountaintop mining
like the blackness
of a scorched earth policy
betrayed by the bodies
she birthed decades ago
the enemy is cells
growing uncontrolled
the enemy is cancer
rend now the tents
they shelter no more
retreat into the desert

Judgment

the enemy is
grief
loss of hope
despair
the enemy is
unavoidable
it's life
and all its tributaries
like spilled milk
spreading across
the ground
branching
everywhere
the enemy is
love
given
to be riven
the enemy
is life
a circle
of starts
and stops
the enemy
is our hearts
tender
and
susceptible
the enemy
doesn't matter

Answer

The answer is:
Only love
and its calamities
in the end
save our sanity
in the end
reap our history
in the end
remains

Portrait of the cyber artist by VitaminCeCe

Conversation . . . even when it's hard

2011-02-16T06:01:00.000-07:00

Last night, Presiding Bishop Katharine Jefferts Schori had a conversation with over a thousand people at Temple Beth El. The venue was chosen, because none of the Episcopal venues was large enough in the Diocese of Fort Worth. Our hosts from the diocese estimated about 25 people from the former Episcopal congregations also turned out to converse with Jefferts Schori. The Episcopal Church's Executive Council is meeting in Fort Worth this Wednesday through Friday, and eight Council members also attended Jefferts Schori's conversation.

The presiding bishop recounted the two Creation stories in the Bible, emphasizing the order in which they are purposefully told: first, God's declaration that all that God has created is good, very good, and then, the story of humankind's fall.

She also recounted the story of Jesus' baptism and told the gathering that not only are we baptized into Jesus' death and resurrection, but we are also baptized into Jesus' baptism, when the heavens open up, and God declares, "You are my beloved, in whom I am well pleased."

The gathered people were invited to spend five minutes in silent meditation, imagining God saying to each of us, "You are my beloved, in whom I am well pleased." Afterwards, Bishop Jefferts Schori asked how it felt to hear those words from God, and the responses were very moving. Several people said they felt humbled, and others said they felt affirmed and energized.

Then she asked, "How is conversation different when it starts with belovedness?"

The message that the presiding bishop delivered was simple: We must converse with one another, even when it's hard, asking the image of the beloved in the other person, "what can this image of God teach us?" We begin by listening, seeking to see the image of God in the other.

Bishop Jefferts Schori pointed out, "You need to listen with the expectation you will learn something." She continued by linking that listening to evangelism, which begins with hearing someone else's story, and only then, after listening, sharing your own story of the Good News of God in Jesus Christ in your life.

Bishop Jefferts Schori made the point that we need the diversity of all of us, from cultural differences to differences in theological perspectives, because none of us has the whole truth. We need all the diversity in order to reflect the image of God . . . even when it's hard.

**********
On another note, it was of interest to this writer, a member of Executive Council, to witness a handful of people in the audience asking questions about the lawsuits over property in the church and the process of returning to The Episcopal Church from another church. I observed hurt and anguish over the history of the last several years in the Diocese of Fort Worth, but also a sense of shalom, of welcome and hospitality to all travelers, from the large gathering. The shalom seemed to be good humored and gentle, an acknowledgment that the road has been rocky and strewn with hazard, but promised homecoming to be sweet.

Martin Jacques: Global Racism

2011-02-08T09:07:00.000-07:00

Martin Jacques is an economist and writer whom I very much admire. I have used and introduced to many others an excellent article he wrote for the Guardian/UK, published on September 20, 2003, about global racism entitled "The Global Hierarchy of Race" with the subtitle "As the only racial group that never suffers systemic racism, whites are in denial about its impact." [See the article here.]

In a 21-minute TED talk in London in October, 2010, Jacques gives an excellent summary of the place of China and Asia in the world scheme of things to come. If you look at race, then, in a global context, you can see why it is more accurate to talk about racism in a multicultural context rather than merely looking at the issue from a Black-White American perspective. Jacques addresses the provincialism of the strictly American/Western perspective.

[A side note: Jacques' wife, Harinder Veriah, a Malay-Indian attorney, died in hospital in Hong Kong back in 2000, the victim of racism in the Chinese hospital where the dark-skinned non-Chinese were relegated to "the bottom of the pile," in Veriah's own words. Here is a link to an interview with Jacques, published on November 26, 2000, in the South China Morning Post, in which he talks about his wife's death and racism in Hong Kong and his actions to address racism to honor her memory. Here also is a link to a statement by Jacques, who with his 11-year old son, prevailed in a lawsuit against the hospital, thus engendering the beginning of legal changes in Hong Kong to protect racial minorities. So, one can see that racism is an issue that occurs elsewhere in the world and is not merely a Black-White problem in the U.S. One can also see that the resistance of those who have been victimized by racism, including filing lawsuits to forceinstitutional change, is necessary everywhere that racism is encountered.]

**********
[From the TED.com site] "Speaking at a TED Salon in London, economist Martin Jacques asks: How do we in the West make sense of China and its phenomenal rise? The author of "When China Rules the World," he examines why the West often puzzles over the growing power of the Chinese economy, and offers three building blocks for understanding what China is and will become." Watch here >>

Here are the key elements of Jacques' thesis, as identified by him in his book and on his Web site. Please go to Jacques' Web site to read the entire list of twelve key arguments. Here, I have only listed a few.

When China Rules the World
The Rise of the Middle Kingdom and the End of the Western World
1- There is not simply one western modernity, instead we are witnessing the birth of multiple modernities
5 - China’s impact on the world will not simply be economic; it will also have profound political, cultural and ideological effects.
8 - At its core, China is a civilization-state rather than a nation-state, a fact which will become steadily more apparent
11- 92% of the Chinese believe that they are of one race, the Han Chinese, unlike the other most populous nations such as India, the United States, Brazil and Indonesia, which recognize themselves to be highly multi-racial and multi-cultural

Just a little bit busy

2011-02-07T20:28:00.001-07:00

As happens in everyone's life, I've been just a little bit busy and preoccupied with daily living. Thus, I've neglected this blog since my last post of December 26th, but I'm back!

Directly after Christmas, Herb and I took a brief trip to Southern California to meet up with our friends Mike and Becky from the Tri-Cities where Herb lived and worked for the past three years. (You may recall that Herb moved back to our permanent home in Colorado when he had his kidney transplant on October 5th.)

As we grow into our golden years, we are committed to nurturing our friendships despite the geographical distances that separate us. The fact is that when many of us reach the golden years, we've moved around and left friends behind. With some judicious saving and conservative spending, we have the wherewithal to make travel to visit friends a priority.


Becky & Mike at Hollywood & Vine

The four of us went to Hollywood & Vine for dinner and an evening of clubbing.

Lelanda & Herb at Hollywood & Vine

Clubbing meant checking in at Cinespace to see three live performances and an edgy fashion show organized by the fabulous Connie Lim. Check out Connie's gorgeous Sugar music video on YouTube at http://bit.ly/ak82fk. She's a 23-year old who's going places. Cinespace was hopping. The music was loud. We felt like we were young again for a night.

Herb and I are leaving on Wednesday for San Francisco where we'll meet friends Maeda & Keith from Honolulu and Deborah and John from Pacifica for four fun-filled days. Deborah is my friend of 40+ years whom I met when we both lived in Plattsburgh, NY. Maeda is my friend of 30+ years whom I met while we both were working at First Hawaiian Bank in Honolulu.


Deborah and John in Las Vegas, 2007

Keith and Maeda with Gov. Abercrombie, Election Night, 2010

Check out our plans and the links to the venues' Web sites:

Viewing Golden Gate Park and beyond from the top floor of the de Young Museum and the surrounding grounds.

Taking in Fisherman's Wharf followed by dinner at Forbes Island, a quirky restaurant venue on a tiny island off of Pier 39. (Be patient on the Forbes Island link, which takes a moment to load and is worth viewing.)

Marrakech Magic Theater featuring magician Peter Morrison in a 32-person cabaret venue. Our friend Keith is an accomplished magician also.

A day in Napa Valley touring wineries followed by dinner and slot machines at the River Rock Casino in Alexander Valley just an hour further north. Herb's the designated driver in our rental van. We had stayed at the River Rock Casino next to the Vancouver, B.C. airport several years ago and enjoyed its ambiance and diverse dining options.

Chinatown San Francisco, the largest Chinatown outside of Asia and the oldest one in the U.S. We are looking forward to some yummy dim sum!

Beach Blanket Babylon, the world's longest running revue, followed by dinner at The Stinking Rose, in North Beach. The photos of The Stinking Rose promise lots of character in that restaurant.

I sometimes think I've missed my calling, because I thoroughly enjoy doing the online research to find the sights, sounds and tastes that celebrate the vitality of the places that we visit. I'm grateful for friends who are as adventurous and eclectic in their interests as Herb and I.

Until the next post, Aloha!

Point: Counterpoint - Eddy Hong's Brave New World

2010-12-26T10:13:00.000-07:00

Point: Counterpoint
Eddy Hong’sBrave New World
dedicated toEddy Hong, my FB friend

Point: About you

Risktaker

snakewrestler

shadowboxer

truthtelling confessor

ofall things hard and personal

personaland hard

Iadmire your take no prisoners stance

onpodcast and Facebook

You’rehumble

justnot too humble

scaredbut not too scared

musclingup now

forthe long haul

I’mjust sayin

Yagotta start somewhere

‘nnow is sometime

cyberspaceda somewhere

wayov’r da rainbow

dacrazy blinkin rainbow

daplace for yous

cuzI’m too far down da road

trippingdown da yeller brick

tobe of use to yous anytime further

Counterpoint: About me

Man!It eff’in fucked ta wake up

‘nrealize I’m old

It’sda hands that give me away

anold person’s hands

Dawhite hair adds drama

asexy kinda dramatic flair

Butda hands

flutteringund’r da sun so many decades

giveme away

likeI ain’t ne’er been given away before

Fearis learned

andexperience burns

wrinklesinto my heartsoul

Noregrets, my friend

maybea few hiccups

of hesitationat the memories

pausesfor reflection

reflectionand forgetting

Oh,man, did I really do that

didI really say that

didI really mean that

I’mafraid I really did

Ireally did all that

andmore

I’msayin

Inmy time

mypeeps loved my bravado

cheered‘n clapped

enufto propel

dawave of resistance

towin da war

inda workplace

‘nda homefront

sacrificinonly da captain

exiledinto another life

onanother continent

Itmay as well hab been da moon

Iwasn’t of use ta them anymore either

Thisis what it feels like to be used up

fora reason

ina season

butnot forev’r

Yalearn ta reinvent y’self

becuzya gotta

becuzit’s survival

becuzit’s what we do, man

Myrelations:

It’swho we are, man

Point: About you

You’relearning not to blink

yourgaze direct

manto man, person to person

yourinward gaze an X-ray

intothe interstices

ofsinew and blood relations

Boy,I’m just askin

wheredid that little smile

inda corner of yer mouth

comefrom

How’dja learn ta stare

intothe camera that way

Wasit from talkin to yer ma

Wasit from talkin to yer ba

Counterpoint: About me

Frommy ba

Ilearned what to do

andhow to do it

Frommy ma

Ilearned what to resist

andhow to avoid it

Theyin and the yang

Theparent I adored

andthe one who survived

Thelesson here:

Youdon’t get to choose

I’mjust sayin

Isanybody listenin?

[Check out Edward Hong's podcast for the I Am Korean American blog site at http://bit.ly/gRlwrW or here:

I am proud to call this young Asian American my friend. I'm sure we'll see more of Eddy as poet, performer and actor.]

Aspiring to Kindness

2010-12-25T13:19:00.000-07:00

“Guard well withinyourself that treasure: kindness. Know how to give without hesitation, how tolose without regret, how to acquire without meanness.” - George Sand, French novelist

There are many movies and TV shows that I choose not towatch, not merely because of their genre. Horror films and most vampire moviesjust aren’t my thing. And as much as my husband and daughter enjoy Dexter abouta serial killer who kills horrible people, I can’t quite wrap my sensibilitiesaround a TV series featuring a serial killer of any stripe. But the mostoverriding reason that I choose not to watch certain films or shows is becausethey are mean-spirited.

I’m not a goody two shoes by any stretch of anyone’simagination. I have my share of angry, vengeful thoughts about people who havedone me or my family wrong or who are just plain stupid in the face of chancesto do helpful rather than hindering things. Hubby Herb and I often say, “Whereis a firestarter when you need one,” referring to Drew Barrymore’s child starturn in a 1984 film called Firestarter.I have to admit it’s fun to imagine throwing fireballs with my mind andsatisfying to think of them hitting their marks.

But mean-spirited behavior as an excuse for comedy turns meoff. I do not find the Mrs.Doubtfire’s of the world endearing under any circumstances. Excusing andforgiving bad behavior in a film or novel can be justified when the writingbrings you to a denouement deriving from the conversion experiences of theprotagonists. That journey is worth following, sometimes even inspiring.However, excusing bad behavior because it’s presented as endearingly comedicjust leaves me cold. I don’t get it. Why is bad behavior in the form of makingsomeone else’s life miserable, causing them tons of trouble, supposed to endearthe perpetrator to the observer?

I can no longer remember the triggering event, or even ifthere was one, in my early thirties that caused me to decide to become a goodperson. I hadn’t been a bad person before that period, but I experienced arebirth of sorts, a metanoia, where I made a decision to walk down a path thatI called “being a good person.” For me, that transition was about a reorderingof my life priorities. My emphases changed, and my life opened up. It was inthat time period that I stopped having specific goals in my life aboutachieving more, like getting married again (this was B.H., before Herb) ortargeting a rung on the career ladder.

I had somehow refocused on being in the moment. And thepsychic space around me opened up into a universe of possibilities. Theopportunities for dating and the suitors knocking on my door multiplied. Myinteractions with my staff and customers blossomed into mentoring relationshipsand long-term friendships. Perhaps the universe of possibilities had alwaysbeen there, and I only needed emotionally to stand still and feel safe longenough to smell the proverbial roses. I think one way of looking at that timeperiod might be to say that I had embraced, in the Buddhist tradition, anattitude of lovingkindness and mindfulness towards myself.

The very first lesson I ever learned from Ani Pema Chödrönwas an admonition to stop doing violence to oneself, to stop the seeminglyendless negativity towards oneself of girls with well developed guilt reflexes.Lovingkindness begins with the self and empowers the individual to expand itout into the world. Emotional security is about feeling safe not just fromoutside influences that scare and harm, but also from internal thoughts that dothe same. I’m still not very good at lovingkindness to myself, and I needregular reminders.

A few years ago, I had lost (or had stolen) a new pair of expensiveprescription glasses and a camera used for work and couldn’t bring myself to getpast punishing myself by not replacing them. I was telling my priest that storyone Sunday when he, very seriously, said to me, “You’re forgiven, Lee,” makingthe sign of the cross before me, “now go get yourself a new pair of glasses.”I’m so grateful when the people around me remind me that I am forgiven, that Iam entitled to kindness in my life, and that it’s when I experience kindnesstowards me that I can then extend kindness towards everyone else.

I used to aspire to being known as smart. Now, I’m delightedwhen someone says that I’m kind. I’ll take kindness over being smart every time.

Christmas Thoughts

2010-12-20T20:03:00.000-07:00

I don’t know about you, but this holiday season, which Ihave purposefully trimmed of excess activities, is still too busy, stressfuland filled with physical and mental running around. I have bravely said No tokind invitations to socialize. I have shrugged off the vague obligations,recognizing that I don’t owe anyone an excuse for why I choose not to dosomething. Shouldn’t “I don’t want to” and “I’m going to be busy keeping myselfcompany” be sufficient reasons to avoid unwanted activities?

I had to go into town (Boulder, population 300,000) todayfor an appointment. The choking traffic around road work as I approached myappointment made me late. (Okay, so I should have left earlier. I admit that I always underestimate thetime needed to get anywhere. I’m an optimist!) The frenetic dueling cars vyingfor parking spaces had nothing over the dueling cars vying to get out of theparking lot. Turning left was going to be a long wait for those of us sittingat Stop signs. I prayed fervently for no fender benders for all those in thisand every other parking lot today and the rest of this holiday week.

Now that my grandchildren are older at ages 6, 9 and 11,their parents have helped to shift the focus away from Christmas presents andtowards doing things for others. So, from a grandma’s point of view, thereisn’t a lot to do in terms of “making Christmas” for kids. For that, I amthankful. We told the family that we weren’t doing presents this year, andwe’ve increased our gifts to organizations that are helping victims ofdisasters, both the ones originating from natural and human causes. We’ve optedfor a dinner theater experience for everyone, and we’re celebrating our son’sbirthday on the 22nd with a lunch get-together. We’re foregoing our annual orgyof excess this year and, we hope, every year hereafter.

My girlfriend had a wonderful idea yesterday. She wasremarking on how so many stores instruct their checkout clerks to tell theircustomers the amount they’ve saved by shopping there. She pointed out thatunless she does something different with those savings, like sharing them withothers who need help, the savings feel selfish. Her comments gave me pause.Just think of how much additional charitable giving there could be if we eachdonated those savings instead of pocketing them.

The religious significance of Christmas is the incarnationof God as human. Incarnation is important. From a human perspective,incarnation makes things real, including, in a sense, making God real as ahuman experience or knowledge of God. Incarnation validates us, as humans, asbeing important and significant to God. We may be puny humans, but God valuesus and loves us, just as we are, right where we happen to be, in whatevercircumstances we find ourselves, however lovable or unlovable we turn out.

I think my girlfriend’s idea of intentionally sharing thosestore savings is about making our charitable impulses incarnational. It’s notenough to think about sharing with those in need. We’ve got to make it happen,for real, by writing the check and giving the cash. Now, that would feel likeChristmas.